My brother has been having some heart issues. He had all the symptoms of a heart attack and was scared. He ended up in the hospital twice in one week and finally Thursday evening they kept him for observation. SO I said well we have to go make sure that he is OK. So Friday We packed up the dog, the guinea pig, and we all left for Victoria. They let him out of the hospital and he was home when we got there. The girlfriend was vacuuming, I kinda didn't say anything to her. She is more like an extra child than a partner for my brother and he likes it that way. That's fine but he could have had a heart attack and she needs to step up. The older girl was in trouble so she was in bed, but the little one was up and was excited to see us. We spent time talking but after two days in the hospital you are tires so my brother went to bed. Being there is hard for me anyway, the house is not taken care of. The kids are not taken care of and it makes me sad. Life there is sad and I can't do anything about it. So Saturday morning we all woke up, just chilling out letting Chris talk . They basically said that his life style is more what is causing his heart troubles. Personally I think his heart hurts on an emotional level and he just doesn't have a clue what to do. The girl friend wakes up sits in the chair her kids wake up she sits in the chair. Chris takes care of HER children. There was an issue outside Chris gets up and takes care of it. And it doesn't phase her in the least. We are all sitting at the table talking she watched Disney on TV and knows all the characters. That's who she is. My brother just got out of the hospital and she is not telling him to sit down to rest to relax, there is no offer to get him a drink or to ask him if he is OK. I am boiling inside. I know hate is a very strong word. But, I hate her. She doesn't take care of my brother and she doesn't take care of her children. So we run to the grocery store to get things for dinner. I decide to celebrate my brothers Birthday early since we are here. We get decorations, a cake, we just make things special people don't do anything for him. So we are all getting ready for dinner. Chris has to tell her to get dinner for her children. Then she gets hers and sits and starts to eat. Mind you no one else is sitting down yet. Even her son that is 5 said momma wait until everyone is sitting down so we can eat together she keeps eating and says "I am just snacking" she thinks its funny. The kids wait for everyone. The older one asks if we can pray before we eat, her mother says no and continues to eat. We eat and we are sitting laughing I am enjoying being with my brother and we start talking about his heart and what is going on, and the stresses that he has. I honestly don't have a clue what started it, what his girlfriend said but I got Brave. I was shaking, I could barely speak through the tears but I turned around and was brutally honest. I told her that my brother almost died, and that she needed to step up. I said that those were HER children and she needed to take care of them. I previewed for her some of the things that I had seen through out the day. I was so upset, I am tired of people not taking responsibility for what they do. I went on and on, and she had no comment. Once she said well I do, and I went again no you do not and gave her more examples. I did not yell or swear but she needed a reality check. She was more than Mad. I didn't care, I didn't say anything I didn't mean, or anything that didn't need to be said. Then I laid into my brother. Telling him that he does everything. And that these poor children were drowning and no one cares. They care for them and love them when its convenient. I went on and on, because as much as I don't like it I love those kids and I hate how they live and how they are treated. I don't care if their mother falls off a bridge, I will not let them take the kids with them. Then there was silence. The girlfriend was outside smoking, swearing up a storm, my brother trying to make everything pretty. I was doing the dishes. The children were all there. My Vincent was smiling, Little Jaiden came up to me and ask if I was crying and asked what's wrong ? I said that I just wanted to take him home, he gave me a hug, no he more held on and just smiled. No one sticks up for these children at all they have big things going on and no one cares, no one wants to see, no one wants to do the work needed to help them. She came in stormed around the house I cleaned up from dinner. I felt lighter, I will not loose my brother over her lack of caring and lack of responsibility. What a night......Then we had the birthday cake......Happy Birthday. I won't take the excuses when children are involved. We left early the next morning, I was more than ready. And my brother said Jaiden woke up with a huge smile saying "Sherri wants to take me home !" and I would in a second.
Again Saturday my brave was tested. It started with once again my things being thrown in places they don't belong, and people not caring because they aren't hers. Well the kids and I leave for Houston in a week and a half, and the only thing I am worried about are our things that are around the house, she throws them around when we are there who in the world knows what she will do when we are not there. It started this afternoon with her removing kids pictures and a few of my things off a table and I asked her just to please put my things with our boxes and i would take care of it meaning I would just pack it away until we are in our own place. That made her mad, she said that she thought those were her pictures uh..no they are not. So fine. Then I was in the kitchen and I asked her please leave our things alone while we are gone and she says what what do you mean ? Totally oblivious, like what in the world are you talking about ? At that point I was done, her oblivion hurts my heart and I can't take it. And here is where the brave kicked in......I am so very hurt and tired of how I am treated. So I said to my mother:
You know you treat us awful, (well I think I said you treat us like shit to be exact !) I am tired of you talking about your house ! because for 8 years its been our house and I am sorry that our things bother you, and I am sorry that you don't want us here anymore but you can't throw our things around. And I promise that we will be out of here as soon as we can.
I was shaking and crying and there was nothing from her. I went on cooking dinner and there was nothing. She just walked away. I was talking from my heart and I can honestly say I would be better off saying nothing. She feels nothing for me and I can say she does not care. She is so totally wrapped in herself. With that I am speechless.....there is no rhyme or reason.....I am working harder than I have ever worked and she hates me. I know its things about her but they affect my children they affect me and it more than hurtful. Things that are hurtful beyond repair.
You know people always say well say things to get them off your chest, it doesn't matter how the other person reacts. At least the words are out of you and you are better off....Well my friends I disagree. Why bother telling ?? I am better off keeping things to myself. Because then at least I spare myself the hurt of a non responsive mother. I am glad I said all that I said to my brothers girlfriend but nothing will change, she will not care for her children. So with my brother I am glad that I spoke up, it felt better. With my mother not so much, I just get this blank stare I guess she is still trying to figure out her feelings for me. I think she already has that's why I am treated like I am.
I am just working so SOOOOOO hard and the kindness of others has been more than amazing and I am so very grateful. It always hurts when your family, the people that are supposed to care and take care of your heart don't.
I have been braver than Brave lately and I fear its not going away. Part of me is glad, part of me is scared to death. I am going to take today and make it wonderful I don't have a clue what the future holds for my brother or his girlfriends children, but I can tell you I will treat them amazing and make them feel loved and cared for. And for me in my children I will stand up for them and for myself, I will not be stepped on. I DO LIVE here for right now and I am doing all the things I am supposed to.
So be Brave say what you need to say, talk, feel and do. It will make a difference somewhere out there . So its just my kids and I. Together we are going to BRAVE for ourselves and for others.
Be BRAVE my friends, I heart your heart.
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