I need More

I can say that I have started at least 10 or more blog posts and  then I just don't have the right words.  I need so much patience, kindness and understanding right now and I can't explain the things in my head.  I need to be noticed and ackonowledged.

So I need more moments that heal my heart. I need these kind of moments right now.

Being walked to my car to make sure that I am safe.

Being told that I am worth it.

Being told that they are glad that I am there.

Someone holding my hand when my heart is more than sad.

Someone acknowledging a most awful day and taking me out.

Someone kindly saying they are sorry.

Someone watching a movie so close to my heart.

Someone sending an email just to make sure that I am ok.

I need a hug, the kind that makes everything ok if only for a few seconds.

I am not ok and I need to be noticed.

I need to know that I matter, that I am worth your time.

You may ask if I am ok and automatically I say that I am, I don't mean to, its just that I am supossed to be.  I will say that I am fine, I am not fine, right now.

Even a dog sitting at my feet, when I don't have the words but plenty of tears.

That gentle touch just letting me know that you are there.

I need more of all these kind of moments.


I am more than sorry to be so needy, more than sorry I am not the fun friend, more than sorry I can't talk about fun days in high school. Sorry I just listen and smile. I have nothing to add, just not fine.  I have a lot going on and I know that you do too, please please try to understand where I am.  I am trying to heal and for me that is really really difficult, and really terrifying and I am doing the best that I can, with what I have. 

I heart your heart.