Good Morning 2017

What a start to the year. I never made it to midnight but woke up to Vincent laughing and using his poppers out back,  I smiled and went back to sleep.  Many crazy dreams and not much peaceful sleep.  I stayed in bed wanting to have better dreams and then that just never happened.  Then I heard the birds singing outside and I smiled this is the beginning of a brand new year.



What a year that 2016 was so many things have happened that I never imagined. So many feelings that I never imagined.  Things are different.  There are so many things to write, so many things that are heavy that I don't know how to let go of.  That can be a scary place to be. Things are pretty close to perfect only I don't feel it.  And I don't know why.  I think that there is a huge part of me that is waiting for the other show to drop like somehow, this isn't real and things really aren't all this ok.  Things on the outside look amazing, I have this amazing house I love my job I love Vincent and Mariska they are a little moody but they are 12!! My mom and I are repairing our relationship  So many good things and yet,  something isn't right.  And I can't even put my finger on it to figure out what it is and make it better. There is just this plain heaviness, there are parts of me that feel I am all alone in the world.  Just the truth.  I haven't been writing even giving myself the time because I don't even know where to begin, there is a blender of thoughts in my head and I am, have been trying to sort them out and I think I get it, then another thought and another and then once again I have no clue.  Christmas was great, it seemed like it as here and gone in a flash.

We have a new president elect, that I don't believe in that I don't believe is good for our country, my kids ask questions and also can't understand.  Some things we may never understand.  I am hoping all good things for this upcoming year and I am worried.  They turn 13 oh my heart, that I am not sure that I am prepared for.  That terrifies me, the things I had to deal with the things they are still so young you know. A rough place to be. I honestly don't have a clue what this year is going to hold, I am excited and scared and hopeful and everything I want to figure out the heavy things that are holding me down and so all the things I never imagined, that is what I want for this year !   Because we all know I always keep going ! I don't know what is coming but I got stamina.  I heart your heart. We will see what the year holds.

Sia : The greatest