I want people close and I want them to stay I want them to be here for my everyday to give me a hug when things aren't so ok. I want them to laugh at my jokes and the little things that make me me. I see that's the problem I want to much. I want people to ask the right questions so I don't have to carry them alone. I want it to be ok to feel. Today I finally wrote and just others telling you that's ok, that means the world. All to often the things that I feel and the things that I experience are not ok and that makes me sad. What am I supposed to do besides pay someone to hear me to listen to the things on my heart, to ask the hard questions to be there when I want to crawl out of my skin. It has definitely been a rough few weeks, its the end of the year I should be enjoying things and there is a heaviness. My thoughts are there fighting to understand. In my head I know that I never will but my heart wants n understanding or at least someone there to tell me that its even ok to never understand that its ok that you're heart is still broken yes even after all this time. If I could even find the words to write the things in my head in my heart and in the moments I don't know how. It's rough right now and I look forward to things once again getting lighter. But right now they are not light they are more than heavy and there are moments I am ok that I am alone. And there are moments that it hurts like hell. I need to get out of this place and that is hard when no matter where you look there are stories and stories that are more than hard to hear. I want to be this strong # me too survivor but I feel more like a defeated wet rat trying to find my way. YES, that right there the problem :
I want to be this strong # me too survivor but I feel more like a defeated wet rat trying to find my way
So hard if it were just so easy to take a shower and let it all was away.
I heart your heart. Even if its only my own. I heart your heart.
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