Today was heavy. So was the week really.

Today was one of those days.  It felt more than heavy, I carried the world on my shoulders and I felt every ounce.  It started pretty good, and just got heavier and heavier as the day went on.  Four years ago today I graduated.  4 years ago my favorite was here.  This morning I read an interview with Det. Plemmons, one thing that stood out to him was the letter that I sent thanking him even years later.  I saw lots of little goslings on my way to work they were so awesome little balls of fluff, they made me smile.  Our neighborhood pond got a new friend for daffy, his name is River.  One of my students was brought to school on a fire truck and it was more than amazing ! She loved every second and you totally saw her personality.

Yesterday morning started out by having to evacuate the room, that is never fun and drains me to the core. Days later and had to evacuate 5 times yesterday. The tears seem to come a lot the last few days.  Work relationships changing . being dropped not understanding why.  We know there are lots of things going on and its not really about me but it feels that way and is never fun.  Lots of crazy dreams, lots of being alone.  Lots of just wanting to stay busy.  The favorites that meant the most 4 year ago, are more than distant.  The detective that meant so much, I miss that kindness that understanding.  I don't want to go back, but I miss knowing that he was there.

I feel like there is such a whirlwind of emotion, the good moments that grow in your heart and those moments that do everything to bring you down.   

Stuck in a hard spot at work between dreading going to the place that I love and wanting it to go away because of the drama.  Friendships changing, people leaving people going and here I am.

I don't fit in, I am kinda floating looking for that soft place to fall.  Better weeks ahead

I heart your heart