Birthday 2021

I feel like its been a super long time since I have written.  So many things going on, so many feelings, thoughts emotions.  I literally hate my birthday.  The kind that I wish I could just forget and keep going. This year my birthday was on a Wednesday and I felt the anxiety Sunday, it seemed that my birthday was already looming and I wanted to do nothing but run the other way and forget.  I even ended up snapping at Mariska because everything just seemed to much. 

Birthdays for me something always comes up, some drama and my birthday is affected so I have learned not to like them not to look forward to them and at any and all costs just smile and get through the day. 

This year was a good one.  This year was a day that I was just me, that I was cared for that I was made to feel special.  I did the things that I wanted to do.  I did the things that made me happy and didn't worry about others and that felt really good. 

My day started walking into to work being serenaded with happy birthday by my teammates.  The attention is more than awful, but I felt loved and that was everything.  I went into my class and there was a cookie cake, my favorite.  I also got the most awesome birthday card that was so me.  Stacey saw it over the Summer and got it for my Birthday, now that is pretty cool. 

There were texts from the kids through the day, they were excited.  They went to the store so many times, making everything perfect.  

My students brought in presents, and wished me happy Birthday.  It was good.  I saw Mark, his kindness still amazes ,me.  I will be forever grateful.  I cried and then I cried some more, I want so much to heal and I wish that I was done.  I wish I didn't need to be there at 46 years old, but I do . Someday. Someday things will be different.

Went home had Chili's for dinner. It was delicious and perfect. The kids and I laughed and laughed it felt so good. Vincent bought these chalk poppers, and a huge confetti popper it was great. Just all good things. 

Then my guy Glenn Phillips even played my birthday request and said happy birthday. It literally almost made me cry, it was super cool. 

So this year was a birthday where everything went perfect. I could not ask for more, so much love and thoughtfulness, my heart was happy and more than full. A really good day.

I heart your heart