Just time

 His chest is just like his.  It makes me want to cry. Today I saw things different for the first time and my world began to crumble. 

Some pieces of that day are so very clear. Then there are other pieces that I don't remember at all. 

There are many things I don't remember why today did I remember that ?  How can something so tragic be connected to what is most precious ?

It breaks my heart, stabs my soul and tears every fiber of my being. My heart breaks for my children that never asked for any of this. 

Horrific. Devastating. Unimaginable. 

I have always blown it off, I was a slut, I asked for it.  I was the one who told him I would go shopping.  I should have known better, Right ? I have blamed myself every day since Aug 22, 2003. I just wanted to be normal, to be included, But I never asked for this. 

18 years ago I believed that pillow just fell on my face, never questioning anything else. That pillow fell on my face and I went far far away, this is just what happens to me. In that far away place I was raped.  I got pregnant. That pillow didn't fall, he knew what he was doing; that pillow was put on my face. 

Hard Truths. 

Brutal Heart Wrenching truth. 

My heart forever bruised and battered. 

He walked out the door, talking about his shiny beautiful BMW. 

This is a piece of my story. My children are mine and I would do it all over again to have them. 

I heart your heart.