The media has been screaming at me for the last couple of weeks, and it's getting really old. So much political fighting and unkindness wares on me. There is so much debate about abortion, and these politicians are bringing up these heavy things as if they are feathers. For those affected, they are very heavy boulders that they know nothing about. There was a statistic being thrown around about the number of pregnancies that have resulted in rape. I want to scream at the world, where are you because me too, and I need someone to talk to. How do you deal with it? Where are you? I want to find you because no one talks about it, and far too many think that it doesn't happen. My children are the most amazing things to ever happen to me, yet from something so awful. I try with all that I am to keep them so separate, and sometimes it just melts together, breaking my heart. Where are these children, and where are their moms. Do they struggle with some of the same things that I do? I want to know what their thoughts and feelings are. Do they cringe when they hear those statistics on TV? Do they have support? Did people believe in them? The questions that I have could go on for pages. I often feel like the only one, and it's not even something that a person can bring up in conversation. I don't get to share about so many aspects of my life because they are tied to this one piece. It just cuts so deep. How have their children been affected? How have they dealt with that? So many pieces of a puzzle that only those who have lived it could understand. There is still so much shame and humiliation. I still feel guilty that I just wanted to be normal. I just wanted to have lunch, go shopping, and feel like I was a normal person. I will never stop searching for them. Those who can understand my heart and hate what happened to them but love the result so deeply. Somedays it is ok, it is not a thought in my mind. Other days it is a thought, and it aches and makes it hard to breathe. I don't know if my children will ever speak to me about it. I don't know if I will be able to speak. I just hope when that time comes, I will have just the right words to soothe their heart and help them understand. It's more than heavy; it's a kind of heavy that doesn't go away. A heavy that ebbs and flows but is forever present.
Where are you? Where are you? There are so many things to say!
I heart your heart.
