Come so Far

There are so many things that are coming up. There are so many very important things. My professor played this song in class, and the tears started, and they haven't yet stopped.  I have to be the best; I have to make a difference. I have to become the care that I never got it.  There is a gratefulness where I am today that I don't have words for. There is just an ocean of tears. I am not sure where all the tears are coming from or what they mean, but they are there in full force, and nothing that I can do is going to make them stop. A huge part of it is just the place that I am in, becoming a counselor something that I have dreamed of for so long. This is one of the most important things that I have ever done.  This gives meaning to everything I have overcome to get here to this place. I am not saying I am here because of what happened.  I am here despite all those things that have happened, and working towards making a difference.

  This week, it was work, home, school, and all of the above. Last night, I got home from work and was just sitting in a place of being.  The Christmas tree was on, and  I let everything I should have been doing disappear. I was just there, fully present.  I can remember a time when I would dream about a moment like this.  When I would be in my very own home with all the lights on, and all was well with the world, if even for a few short minutes. I am here; I am really here.  

I find myself feeling needy during this time. I need lots of love and kindness, and I need so much understanding. I feel this need to spread my wings, yet at the same time, I need someone flying right beside me to make sure that I am ok in the world.  

Maybe it's finally about the appreciation that I have come so far. I have done the work, I have struggled, and I am creating the life that I want. There are so many good things, and yet the tears keep falling. Maybe there were just so many years that the tears couldn't fall that I am finally able to let them flow. Someday, they won't come out in waves; someday, it will be a gentle stream because I will just never forget where I have come from in this world.   

I heart your heart