A need.

You know those moments when you don't have a clue whats next ?  Well yep its one of those times.  Its me and the kids thats it.  There is nothing besides the three of us.  My brother is wrapped in his own world, my mother shows and feels nothing for me there are moments when I think maybe she is there but then as quick as it came its gone. So no family check.  I have reached out to others, I have withdrawn.   I get these amazing people in my life for a short time, then they are gone for I guess a lot of different reasons, but whatever the reason they ALL hurt and in the end there is just me.  For once just once I wish there was someone to stick around. 

I will never forget one night I was in life group.  I don't remember what we were talking about or the topic.  But I said something and another woman said well everyone can't be a good friend.  Oh wow that hit me like you would not believe. I think a part of me was crushed. No everyone can not be friends, there are always those people that you can't stand, that make your skin crawl. There are those people that you just don't get along with and thats ok.  There are people that that just don't "click" and that is just how the world works. I get that a person can't be everyones friend, but  I just am ALWAYS the one that gets left behind and I don't understand.  Its always been that way really, and I am told no its not you but I am the common denominator in all these relationships.  Maybe for me that is just the way it is.  And right now where I am I could use a constant.....a mentor....... ???

I am used to doing things on my own, growing up that was a way of life. But I need more.  I need interaction, I need understanding, I need patience and lots of love and caring and compassion and understanding.  Those are the things that I need.