Sunday, May 15, 2016

April 22, 2004



I often can not believe how fast that these twelve years have gone by,  April 22, 2004 my life changed forever and it has been the most amazing, challenging, unbelievable time of my life. I have been trying to write this for months now, writing and rewriting, writing some more.  I wanted to have this done on their birthday, didn't happen, tried for mothers day, I thought that is perfect they made me a mom; nope didn't happen.  I think back seeing them  grow up as wonderful and amazing as it is its also terrifying.  They are 12 oh my goodness!   There are a lot of days that I don't have a clue what I am doing.  Sometimes they do things and I think what in the world ?? Is this normal ?  Because I have no clue what normal 12 year olds are like !!!  Seriously no clue!!!  Oh my goodness I worry about them , oh I worry about their little hearts how they see the world I worry about them being safe I worry about making the right choices for them I worry about being a good enough mom.  I know that I have not missed a moment in their life, I was there for all the firsts, and from the moment I found out I was pregnant with them, they were all that mattered they were the reason that I took every breath.  Oh my goodness I was one of those amazing pregnant people , I never stopped smiling, I love every single second!!  Seeing them grow and turn into these amazing young humans is so surreal.  I just watch them sometimes not believing that I get to be their mom.   They are these amazing kind, caring people that are going to do great things in this world and I get to be their mom.

They have not had an easy life,  but they have always had everything that they needed. They have never had to go without,  I would go without to make sure that they had all that they needed.  Always, Always, ALWAYS.  There are going to be things in this life that they have to deal with that are different, there are things that I hope they will come to understand.  Through it all e are a family, and they are my most amazing, they made me a mom and these first 12 years have been everything and more than I could have ever imagined.


















Mariska Anne, oh my goodness, there are so many things that she is so much like me.  She is different,  she will tell you what she thinks sometimes and only if you ask.She will smile and pretend that she is fine, even as tears stream down her face.  She has a smile that lights up a room, and a spirit that is blooming.  She loves to read, oh that girl loves to read she can spend hours in a book store, and in less than a day can  read at least a 500 page book and is on to the next.  She loves sharks, She has this love for science fiction things like the Hunger Games and Divergent, she has read them all hundreds of times and can tell you all the little details.  She is always one to say oh the book was so much better.   She is so stinking smart, she doesn't even have to try, she just gets things, they just make sense to her, which makes school pretty boring for her.  She wants a challenge and wants to do new things.  She is a sensitive thinker,  things bother her and if you don't know her you would never imagine.  She always watches, checks things out, oh she always has, since the day she was born.  For me if I don't know you or don't like you I don't fake it well and of my sweet Mariska doesn't either.  She is always polite but her face can not tell a lie.  She helps out around the house, and puts her whole heart into what she is doing if she finds it interesting.  She loves to cook, and help in the kitchen, she will make dinner and goodies just to help out.  She really cares about the world around her and that is more than amazing to see.  She loves her music and talking Angela, and has a little giggle that melts my heart.  She loves her puffy hair and  will say with a smile on her face I woke up like this.  Oh my goodness, she is something else,  this 12 year old of mine.  She thinks all the time,  if she hasn't read the book TV isn't her thing, but she has a thing for cheesy lifetime movies lately,  she thinks they are hysterical and if you aren't watching she will give you a play by play.  She sometimes lives in her own little world and I think oh my goodness chick what are you doing, ?! She doesn't have to worry about love or safety and that is good for my heart.  She lives in the world, giving us all so much,  I can not believe its been 12 years.  I look forward to the things that she will do in the future.  She is taking AP classes next year, Drama and still is in Choir.  She is on student council and has a blast,  how did I get so lucky, this special girl of mine is unbelievable amazing.   


 













And Vincent Guy .  He has more kindness than I could have ever imagined.  He has a heart that I am not sure even I am prepared for.  Every single day he amazes me.  He worries about me all the time and watches absolutely everything I do.  He is also a lot like me, he is a worrier he will help out a friend anytime anywhere.  He has always gravitated towards those who needed a little extra TLC.  He is the friend that is there and sticks up for you, no matter what.  He always takes those special people under his wing and makes sure that they are taken care of.  The two of us bump heads often,  but the love I have for him is something special, he is one of the good guys and he is my son.  I am more than blessed.  He works so very hard at everything that he does all the time.  He is passionate about Hockey and of coarse his favorite team the BRUINS ! His room is the color of gold and black,  he has to work really hard in school but not once do I ever have to remind him to do his homework, EVER! He is respectful and kind and worries about the injustices of the world,  WOW the things he is going to do, he will touch many heart I am sure.  He plays the violin and is really good!  I was a little worried but oh, its beautiful and again he loves it.  He loves for the two of us just to sit outside and talk.  He is also a thinker and has deep thoughts,  he is also a writer he has kept a journal for years now and I am sure as he looks back he can see where he has come.  He has this soul, something special, a gentle spark that makes him amazing.  He helps me oh so very much, from hanging pictures to doing the yard.  I don't know what I would do with out him.  He is always making sure that I am OK, that I am taken care of,  I reassure him that I am fine.  He listens really listens,  he follows the rules and expects everyone else to do the same.    He is smart, but busts his hiney kind of smart it doesn't just come to him,  He is in robotics and is going to travel and compete next year, My son already programming!  I never imagined.  Every teacher that I speak to has nothing but great amazing things to say and it melts my heart every single time.


 I so loved when they were little but oh I love seeing the people that they are becoming.  I worry all the time that I am not enough, that there are so very many things that they have to deal with and yet they shine.  I am amazed, Amazed that they are mine that I get to be their mom, Just the three of us one special kind of family, that I could never imagine would be so So wonderful.  I love you both more than you can ever imagine.

I heart your heart.  I love you, I love you.

Momma.

This song fits we might not do this life the traditional way, but oh I love every single day.

"I can't wait to see whats around the corner.  I can't wait to soar........ Its the little things that make a home"

Yes they are my home, and I look forward to doing it over every single day with them <3

Blue October "Home"

    

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