This is kind of funny I feel like there are so many. I feel that things that are meant for other people just are not meant for me. People have said fake it until you make it as if the me that I am today or was yesterday was a bad thing. I don't want to fake being outgoing and being a joiner when I know that in my soul those are not things that I want to be. Do I want more people in my life, well I want forever's in my life. Those that can understand who I am right here and not not try to make me fake anything trying to be someone that I am not. It's a daily fear that I am forever going to be a loner, that I will be alone. I find fleeting moments when I can truly connect with others , and I treasure and hold those moments close. Most of the time its just more than clear, that the things that I give, the things that I have are not things that are coming for me. I don't want to have to prove myself anymore. Prove that I am worthy to be around, that I am worth someones attention, that I am fine just as I am. I don't feel that, I feel mostly that I am just not enough. My heart my hands my soul are not enough , not liked enough not faithful enough, not anything enough. My heart is too heavy, my soul is to dark, my mind is full of to many questions. I will go above and beyond for so many and I do not expect that, I just want some love back in someone who will listen and hear. Someone to tell me that I am worth it; love attention, friendship I am worth it all just like them, just the way that I am. That seems to be huge for me lately, being enough.Being worthy. Those things have been big for me for a long time and still they hurt. My heart is heavy, so heavy with a sadness that is achy and draining. I want someone who can come over and say lets watch a movie. I want someone to reach out and ask how I am just because they care. I have said it before I ask for to much. I want to feel enough, I want to be enough I want to be loved in the every moment the sad, the happy the mad, the confused the frustrated, just to be loved. I don't want fake, no need to pretend because honestly I am used to the not staying. It will never hurt any less but I hope that my heart will not hold on so tight to the things that are not meant for me .
This is kind of funny I feel like there are so many. I feel that things that are meant for other people just are not meant for me. People have said fake it until you make it as if the me that I am today or was yesterday was a bad thing. I don't want to fake being outgoing and being a joiner when I know that in my soul those are not things that I want to be. Do I want more people in my life, well I want forever's in my life. Those that can understand who I am right here and not not try to make me fake anything trying to be someone that I am not. It's a daily fear that I am forever going to be a loner, that I will be alone. I find fleeting moments when I can truly connect with others , and I treasure and hold those moments close. Most of the time its just more than clear, that the things that I give, the things that I have are not things that are coming for me. I don't want to have to prove myself anymore. Prove that I am worthy to be around, that I am worth someones attention, that I am fine just as I am. I don't feel that, I feel mostly that I am just not enough. My heart my hands my soul are not enough , not liked enough not faithful enough, not anything enough. My heart is too heavy, my soul is to dark, my mind is full of to many questions. I will go above and beyond for so many and I do not expect that, I just want some love back in someone who will listen and hear. Someone to tell me that I am worth it; love attention, friendship I am worth it all just like them, just the way that I am. That seems to be huge for me lately, being enough.Being worthy. Those things have been big for me for a long time and still they hurt. My heart is heavy, so heavy with a sadness that is achy and draining. I want someone who can come over and say lets watch a movie. I want someone to reach out and ask how I am just because they care. I have said it before I ask for to much. I want to feel enough, I want to be enough I want to be loved in the every moment the sad, the happy the mad, the confused the frustrated, just to be loved. I don't want fake, no need to pretend because honestly I am used to the not staying. It will never hurt any less but I hope that my heart will not hold on so tight to the things that are not meant for me .
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