Thursday, September 24, 2020

Standing Dead


 


I am fighting so hard right now and I am not winning.  It is that hard enveloping kind of sad that fills every crack and crevice.  I spend so much time fighting clawing my way back , but it feels like I am in a free fall through an unknown black hole.  I am terrified that I will never find my footing.  Exhaustion is settling in as my body absorbs every picture and memory that my mind chooses to replay.  Every breathe is a reminder of how close that I have come to dying, and the moments that I wished one of them would have just finished me off.  The more that I fight , it seems the stronger their grip. 

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