I mean lets face it I have always loved animals, they have always been special because animals just don't hurt you. Oh goodness I sure don't know what I would have done with out animals in my life growing up, they were my world and I would have done anything to keep them safe and sound. But my passion for whales started the summer of 1988 when I was 13. There are many special stories that summer but this one is about my love, passion and gratefulness for whales.
It had truly been a hellish year, so many things were going on and I was in such a dark place. I was so withdrawn and numb inside. I was going through the motions of life but not really living. What I had to deal with was way beyond my 13 years and I just couldn't deal with anymore, there was literally nothing left for me to hold onto . I was scared of people, I kept eating more and more believing that if I was ugly people would leave me alone, I was an absolute mess. I was at a place where I was more like a living breathing walking dead thing,I didn't even really feel human anymore. I wasn't connected to anyone or anything, and 99% of me had given up on everything. I keep looking for the right words to explain that time and I just do not have any. Imagine staring at a black piece of paper not feeling anything at all, not caring and knowing that no else cared either. I was living in this cold world and I didn't have an ounce of hope , I had nothing, not even a friend . My thought was with a life like mine who in the world would want to be around me anyway even by chance that I did want a friend or two.
So that summer of 88' my grandmother decided that she was going to take me to Florida for a week. We were going to stay in her condo on Daytona beach and we were going to see every possible tourist attraction that there was. Its unbelievable, I had no idea what a life saving trip that this would become. My grandmother was really great, she was trying so hard taking me to all these places, I can't even imagine the money that she spent. It was so peaceful being away from home, being near the water, getting to see dolphins right off the balcony, It was amazing, and so soothing for my tired soul. My grandmother was trying so hard to bring me out of my shell to make me happy but my heart was just too far away. Until we went to Sea World. And I have to say being the animal activist that I am that I would never encourage anyone to go there, and in no way do I like Sea World, and I Will Never Ever go there again and in no way am I promoting whales in captivity but I am forever grateful that , that summer those whales gave me hope and brought part of me back to life.
We got there early that day, I can remember being pretty excited. The first thing we did was go on a behind the scenes tour. That was where you get to go behind where the general public doesn't get to go. We got to see where the sick and injured animals live and are taken care of and rehabilitated. You get this up close view of the animals and the people that work with them. Then at the end of the tour comes the part where you get to get up close and personal with the whales. I can remember the butterflies in my stomach I mean come on when you get that close to something so big its something that is unimaginable. You are given all these rules to stay behind the yellow line, and blah blah blah. And I always follow the rules, I mean always but the whale was right there , I mean less than arms length away. And with out another thought I stepped over the line and I touched her head and I looked right into her amazing eyes and for the first time in I don't know how long I felt something. I felt alive, I felt in that second that she understood everything and time stood still. The peace that I felt was something I will never forget. I felt more connected to this huge whale than any living breathing person around me.
Then there was the rush of the tour guide, the panic of the trainers NO NO NO stay behind the yellow line. I looked at them and stepped back but I never heard another sound,all that mattered was that whale and I. There was just an understanding in her eyes. A compassion a gentleness that I had never ever experienced in my life. My words can't even totally explain those few moments that I shared with that amazing beautiful creature. I was in awe. I wish there was a way to open my heart and you could see and understand what this meant to someone like me. This was EVERYTHING to me. Kinda sad that at 13 it took a whale for me to connect to something , to give me hope, to give me purpose but it was something that I never had. I will never for a second forget that connection and so my passionate journey to Save The Whales began.
This is for the whales.
I heart your heart.
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