Her name was Allison

Her name was Allison. I never asked for her help.  She offered it and for once in my life I jumped at the chance to have someone be there.  For someone to know and be supportive.  Someone that knew more about the system than I did.  It took all that I had to even accept that help. I was more than scared, more afraid that I had been my entire life.  Someone offered and I accepted almost a miracle. ALMOST.

I was volunteering at the Plano Rape crisis center.  I have always had the need to help to offer support. I have always wanted to be there for others.  I know the hurt of being alone and I will do almost anything so another person doesn't have to feel that.  SO that is why I started Volunteering.  I wanted to make a difference.  At about that same time, I had been volunteering for some time,  I was hearing rumors about my father and him getting remarried.  I wish that I remembered the exact time line but I don't.  I remember finding out that she had a daughter and was panicked.  I asked the people at their center their advise.  I had to protect this little girl and they offered me all the choices.  They told me all the different options that were available. I had never really faced much of what went on in my own life it was about making sure that others didn't go thru any kind of abuse on their own. At this point I still really didn't matter. And Voluntering was rough.  I would spend hours on the phone with Survivors in the middle of the night getting them through, listening letting them know that they were not alone.  It made what happened to me mean something, because what I had been through gave me a different lens into how they saw the world.  Because I can tell you each survivor views the world with a different lens.   I knew these people and I asked for their advise.

And the legal advocate was Allison.  The only thing that was on my mind was keeping my fathers step daughter safe.  I didn't know her name but I had seen her little pink bike, saw where she lived on Brandon Way and knew that she was little. As little as I was.  I didn't matter I had to do something.  There were a few conversations between Allison and I. She said that she would go with me and talk to a Plano police detective who deals with these cases and see what he thought , if I would have a case, what the best option would be to keep his step daughter safe.  I saw nothing but keeping her safe,  telling my story to a police detective was terrifying,  breath stopping terrifying but I COULD NOT let another little live through hell with the man that I knew my father to be.  I could not live with myself.  SO I said OK lets do it.  We set up an appointment to meet with David the detective in Plano .  Allison always said that if she had a case that she would want him as the detective because he is thorough and gets things done.

I thought that  I was going to be in good hands.
That's what I thought.
I thought I was going to be supported.
I thought a detective would understand my need to protect.
I thought I was going to have support with me.
I thought so many things and yet .....

None of those things happened.

I was terrified the week of the appointment.  I had never said a word about anything that happened to me yet I was going to spill my heart out for someone I didn't even know.....but there was never another option for me.  Never even once was there a glimpse of backing out of looking the other way, those things were not an option.  I talked to Allison she said that things were all set that we were ready and that we would hopefully get some answers.

I was a live in nanny at the time and of coarse the night I was supposed to be there, they got home late.  I would still make it in plenty of time but you know if I am 30 minutes early than I am on time.

Then there was the call from Allison. Something had come up and she couldn't make it.  She wanted to reschedule.  But also said it was fine if I wanted to go myself.  My heart sank,  like so many things I knew that I was going to have to do this on my own. There wasn't an option to wait ....my mind was spinning....

RESCHEDULE.....WHAT......I had waited long enough there was a little girl living in his house and I had to keep her safe!!!  How could this not be important!!!!  There was no time to reschedule, time was ticking.  I knew that he was a bomb....I knew what he was capable of......so fine Allison or not I was going to make sure that I was there.

David Wilson that was his name. That was the detective that I had to see on my own in a police station spilling out my heart to keep another little girl safe. Allison wasn't there And I was on my own.  Maybe he was thorough and Allison would want him on her case ..... and oh he was thorough......alright.....I was just another person to him  trying to get back at someone.....he asked those questions like why are you telling now ?  Why did you wait?  Well I would make you take a lie detector test..... I said that I didn't care....and I don't remember much after that really.....the invasive questions,  trying to catch me in a lie......and I was alone.

He took me back to an interrogation room with soundproof walls no color nothing warm,  with two chairs .  I remember thinking oh my GOD what am I doing, I imagined the criminals that had been questioned in that room, and the things that they were asked.  And there I sat being asked questions when all i wanted was to keep a child safe. But every move was being questioned.  There was almost no conversation about keeping her safe, the focus was on me and why I waited and if I was telling the truth.  Maybe he was a good detective maybe his cases went to court but I felt no kindness and  felt like I was doing something wrong.  He said I would have to go to The Colony Police Department to file the report, since that is where the abuse occurred.  I thanked him and he said that the detective there could call him if he needed anything.

Allison knew that I was going on my own and she never called or made sure that I was ok, I don't remember hearing from her at all.  My heart was broken.  I was left alone, all the things I try to give so people don't have to know this feeling.  David cared for facts and nothing for that little girl I was trying to protect.  David wanted specifics not caring about my heart.  And I understand that was his job, but I also understood there was a child in danger.

It still blows me away, even with that.... I left that interrogation room, balled my eyes out all the home and called the Colony Police as soon as I got home to find out what it was that I needed to do to press charges.

I was more than disappointed in the Rape Crisis center, in Allison, in David.  In the entire process, she was the first of many.  But not once did I ever stop to try and keep her safe.  And all this because  I realized that  Allison is still there, still the legal advocate.....the legal advocate working with people through the system and I hope their experience is one that holds their heart and doesn't break it.

Breaking a broken heart is just not acceptable. EVER EVER EVER

But I was strong and so very broken but I did it anyway. And Allison I did it with out you.

 And David I went to The Colony Police and my detective was everything kind and cared for my heart.

So because of  the both of you I was lead to him, and am grateful.

I heart your heart