I made it through Monday and things were perfect, not many tears were shed and things were ok. It wasn't really a thought, at all. It was just another day. We were so busy with first day of school, and my first day, things were really fine. Then today, it hit me hard, like a brick wall, and I don't even know what I feel. I am more than confused because I wouldn't change a thing. My kids are my world so I don't understand what my problem is. I can't even explain the feelings I do not know what they are or even how to explain them all i can say is that I would like to hide under a rock and stay there indefinitely. Not a good place to be that kind of sad that there is nothing that you can do and no words to explain it. I want to crawl in bed eat a bag of chips, eat an entire bag of chocolate and then eat the rest of the oreos. Because I can not explain in adult terms what I feel. I think another part of it was acknowledgement. I hate that not one person acknowledged yesterday, and that is not ok. People know and if only a few they know and they chose not to acknowledge it. And I am not asking for a lot either a simple I am thinking of you, just checking to make sure that you are ok that is really all that I want and instead I have to live in the hell alone, no one hearing no one acknowledging and that hurts. And really I am not sure what to do with that.
The nightmares last night were long and drawn out and there was lots of crying I just want people to understand. I want them to see me , see that I am not ok and do something. But instead no one says a thing there are no hugs no calls no kind words to make sure that I am ok.
No comments:
Post a Comment