It all started with Didn't you ever feel like that at that age ? I was stunned and turned around and asked what ? She said it again clear as day and I was absolutely beyond belief they two worlds aren't even on the same universe same planet and it hurt. I know my children don't have it easy but comparing their feelings to mine growing up that just isn't OK , there was anger hurt rage all at the same time. It's in these moments that I realize she doesn't have a sense of what it was like for me growing up in that house. Comparing how I grew up to anything is pointless. And the comment kind of ripped my heart out, and left me gasping for air. I know and realize all the time that the things that my children have to live with are more than hard and they will also have different things to deal with as they grow up. The problem is in the comparing. I felt the things that I did because terrible awful things were happening to me and no one as fighting for me, no one saw me and no one stepped up to help a little girl who was slowly dying inside. Each night, each rape took more of her soul and those are things I can never get back. Things are different for my children its just me ans I will forever be sorry. Everyday I see them I am aware and willing to fight and do whatever it takes to make them safe. There is no sweeping anything under the carpet. We are strong together. The three of us are a team. I didn't have a team It was me fighting for myself saying my prayers and wanting to die. That kind of life can not be compared. Her words were a clue on how much she doesn't connect, on the things that she can't understand. Sometimes things hit you more than hard and this was huge.
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