You would think that these things are something easy to understand, to grasp and to take care of but they are not at all. I have been doing a lot of reading by Alan Wolfelt and I have to say that his work is something that I will bring with me in my professional counseling journey. I think that Loss is something that is so overlooked. People are so quick to tell you to pull yourself up by your bootstraps and I do believe there is a time that is needed. I also believe that there are some things so profound that they need to be dealt with gently and kindly with an understanding of all that was lost. So in this article that was recommended there are 6 needs of mourning. I am going to use the word loss, such an incredible amount of loss. Everything was taken before I even knew it was mine to have.
1. Acknowledging the reality of the loss
2. Embracing the pain of the loss
3. Remembering the thing that was lost
4. Developing a new self-identity
5. Search for meaning
6. Receive ongoing support from others
I don't know, I look at the list and somedays I think ok I know things were lost, and I think that I have all of these things covered. I look at the list and think acknowledged yep, embracing, not so much, sometimes I can. Remembering what was lost, Yea I remember everything. Developing a new self-identity, I am working on that. I need to believe that I am more than all the things that have happened. I am finding meaning now. Going to grad school that desire to help others, I think maybe the biggest struggle is that support piece. I am not sure how someone like me, finds that. I look at this list and think, I have all of these things down and yet I talk about this immeasurable amount of sad that I feel in my bones. There is a sadness I feel a good amount of the time, that I am different, that I am behind. I struggle with feeling worthy and enough. I can tell you in the last few weeks I have gotten out from under a cloud of sadness, but its still there just not as gigantic as it was. I think just sometimes I am able to put it on a shelf and do what I have always done and just keep moving forward. That is what I am good it, that is what I know how to do. Lately I don't want to put it on the shelf anymore I want to look at it, see it feel it and just be done. I am struggling with Spunky. I need her so I can move forward. It's more than hard she has been through so much. I want good things for her, she has to trust me and just take that step make that move and step out of the awful. I know that she has been through so much and I have this need to be ever so gentle with her. She is strong yet delicate, Brave yet cautious. She has carried the weight of the world, and needs some relief.
I found this poem that went with the picture. Grateful for these words:
I’ve been carrying this glass balloon around with me for a while now.
So fragile and yet so heavy.
I’m terrified to let it go. In case it breaks, smashes.
And I have nothing left.
I can’t deflate it.
But it’s weighing me down
and the longer I hold it,
the sooner I feel like I’ll buckle under the weight of it.
And how do I explain to others that I am carrying something so delicate yet so substantial? How do I ask them to help me carry this thing that they cannot see?
Perhaps I’m not supposed to let it go.
Perhaps I’m supposed to tie it to my heart and carry it around forever. And it will remain as heavy and as fragile as it has always been, but I will get used to carrying it.
I will learn how to hold it on the difficult days, rather than letting it hold me.
I will learn how to let it lift me up rather than letting it weigh me down.
I will learn how to explain it to others rather than shouldering the weight in silence.
And as time goes on, maybe…
Just maybe…
I will figure out
how to let it fly.
*******
Becky Hemsley 2023
Artwork created with Bing
Remember that we can grieve so many things. No matter what you grieve, your glass balloon is valid 🤍
'Glass Balloon' is from the book When I Am Gone https://a.co/d/iGsUaJO
No comments:
Post a Comment