all that is unjust, WE are People , just people.

Oh my heart breaks for all the things that are happening in this world.  People blaming the police , people blaming men people blaming other people. People blaming black men people blaming white men.  There are thousands of articles of people giving their opinion wanting people to take sides, wanted people to choose between one or the other and my head just spins.  I can not get my head around violence around hatred around judging others because of the color of their skin because of who they love , so much judgement.  I watched the news the entire time that the shooting went on here in Dallas,  into the early morning hours until after the sun came up,  my heart was broken I feel the depth of what happened so deeply as I feel everything.   I may be nieve in this topic but these are just my experiences, of people, all people black people white people,  and even the police.  I don't see color I see people, and maybe thats a bad thing, I saw an article saying that you have to see a difference but me I don't and I never have. I see injustice, that is what I see.

I just want to be a person that loves for who you are, for how you treat others for your kindness.  I don't understand racism and hating someone for the color of their skin, I DO NOT UNDERSTAND! I have been raped by white men I have been raped by a black man , when its said and done I was raped my MEN.  They made those choices that will forever affect my life.  Some of the best people that I know are just that people. I have known police that were good and kind that were everything that an officer is supposed to be and I have also seen officers that mocked and laughed at me.  Again they were men, people that made decisions, decisons that have affects that I will never forget.  I refuse to take sides,   black or white,  I refuse to accept the injustices that are going on in the world today. I refuse to blame one person or the other and I wish there were more delicate words in my head to explain where I am coming from.  There are just so many thoughts.

And my children, they are part African american.  And I write that and its a knife,  not because they are half African american but because of the violence they were created in.  We have not yet had the conversations about their race, but I am sure in time it will come in time. Others have made comments to them "are you black ?  Are you Mexican ?  Are you mixed ?"  I remember having a garage sale when they were babies and someone saying, oh they are beautiful what are they mixed with ?  What are they mixed with , they are beautiful children , just two beautiful children in this world.

I see people I see their hearts and souls. I hope that is how my children will see things.  In high school my best friend who watched out for me who helped me who carried me when I could not stand on my own was black and  I saw him for him not for the color of his skin.  I just don't understand the hate, we are all people and life is too short to judge by color , orientation, race, size, weight, religion.  Just be people and love , love with your whole heart and only good things will come.  Again and again we come to something a friend said to me once during a life group, she said "You can't be everyone's best friend,"  I was drowning at the time and took those words to heart.  Believe me from some one with very few friends I understand that exactly.  I understand that not everyone can be your friend, I understand that some people ok myself is hard to love and be a friend and get to know, but I am a person and you don't have to be my friend but you must be kind. That phrase has stuck with me all these years later and it has a grip on me.  I have seen and experienced things I can never put words too,  I have seen and experienced great evil, but I love people with my whole heart and if I say that I love you that I am your friend I mean it with every fiber of who I am.  I am more than grateful for those that have stayed by side carried me when I needed and stepped back so I could do things on my own.  There were people, just people doing what  all any of us can us they were loving and being people as a whole.  A kind beating heart person, who saw me saw others as the same.  Sure there are different connections to different people thats the amazing thing about differences, and that what makes life worth living,  what makes this world around us amazing.    

I heart your heart.