Water Bed

Once again one of those things out of nowhere that cuts like a knife.  Sometimes its a song, a smell, a scene, a touch,  this time it was a simple picture.  A simple picture of a water bed just  like the one with the satin sheets, with those brain bed rails made out of something else besides leather.  The mirror in the headboard I know this wasn't the bed but my heart begins to race and its like the scene of a fire in my head there is so much commotion and my brain is working on damage control thinking how we can un-see the seen.

BUT its impossible and the flashbacks start, the memories start spinning and I fall down the rabbit hole of everything that that bed was, and everything that it means and that was taken.  That bed  , oh my I hated that bed with every ounce of me.  I still get the chills, I get more than scared and can't believe that I came out of everything that happened.  I don't understand living through that hell, that hurt.  I keep looking to understand, to get a glimpse of something that I can't get my head around and its impossible.  There is no way to win. Those days that time absolutely broke my heart.  And there are pieces that are still broken that I fear there will be no way to ever get back.

I sit here trying to write and I can't even get the words out,I don't know what to say, or how to say it.  Evil happened in that bed that devastated parts of my little heart.  Things that broke me and made me something different things were taken that were mine to keep. I can't even see past this pain past the pictures past what was done.  I am not bigger than what was done; I feel so small and insignificant.  I didn't matter.   The heaviness in that is unimaginable.

I heart your heart