Yea, so many feeling that there are to convey and I think that they will fall on deaf ears. They are unable to hear my story.Unable to see how their actions have affected others. Unable to see the pain and unable to understand where exactly it is that I am coming from. To say that well unless something else has happened that I don't know about, oh that's a comment dismissing anything that I feel. That's a comment, that somehow I am supposed to prove the things that I am feelings the things that I have said. That says to me I have no right to my feelings unless something else has happened, that is not in any world o.k. I do not understand that to say to someone please just reach out and ask how I am that is what I need that means the most and then to ignore that and talk about the thing that is more than difficult for me, that is not ok. And that thing that I have feared sharing my true feelings for just this reason. I am different, the thing that is being pushed is the thing that that I walk alone in and that I am not willing to do. I do not understand the things that have gone on. The things that have been said The things that have hurt my heart. I believe there is truth in the things that I have said otherwise there would not be that defensive stance that hurts who I am. It hurts more than anything when someone knows you so well and yet throws barbs like your most ungrateful and you know that is the farthest thing from the truth. When the hour and hours that they have given you is brought up, and you shrink in your shell because the guilt that I have felt for each and every one of those hours is something that I can't even understand, that is weighed on my soul. And it was always well if I can make that decision, if I didn't want to I wouldn't, well then why bring up those hours. Every word sent was a plea for help for support for understand. Just to have someone hear whats in your heart, that's all I wanted really. I do no understand. I have never fit in with those people and have said a million times I am not willing to walk in something on my own where I do not belong. To be heard, I can not do this alone, over and over that was the message and no matter how hard you sh those words do not fit where I am. That has been the feeling for so long and I have been more than sorry. When things are already so heavy, there are times when fighting for something on your own becomes unbearable and I was in that place. I didn't want lecture I wanted an hear and compassion and understanding. Maybe I never gave enough back, maybe t was a season I could go on guessing for days, years and I am not sure that there would bw any more answers than what I know right now. It's sad, and I don't know where to go from here. My heart is breaking and I so want to hold on but the hurt, I am not sure that I can.
Yea, so many feeling that there are to convey and I think that they will fall on deaf ears. They are unable to hear my story.Unable to see how their actions have affected others. Unable to see the pain and unable to understand where exactly it is that I am coming from. To say that well unless something else has happened that I don't know about, oh that's a comment dismissing anything that I feel. That's a comment, that somehow I am supposed to prove the things that I am feelings the things that I have said. That says to me I have no right to my feelings unless something else has happened, that is not in any world o.k. I do not understand that to say to someone please just reach out and ask how I am that is what I need that means the most and then to ignore that and talk about the thing that is more than difficult for me, that is not ok. And that thing that I have feared sharing my true feelings for just this reason. I am different, the thing that is being pushed is the thing that that I walk alone in and that I am not willing to do. I do not understand the things that have gone on. The things that have been said The things that have hurt my heart. I believe there is truth in the things that I have said otherwise there would not be that defensive stance that hurts who I am. It hurts more than anything when someone knows you so well and yet throws barbs like your most ungrateful and you know that is the farthest thing from the truth. When the hour and hours that they have given you is brought up, and you shrink in your shell because the guilt that I have felt for each and every one of those hours is something that I can't even understand, that is weighed on my soul. And it was always well if I can make that decision, if I didn't want to I wouldn't, well then why bring up those hours. Every word sent was a plea for help for support for understand. Just to have someone hear whats in your heart, that's all I wanted really. I do no understand. I have never fit in with those people and have said a million times I am not willing to walk in something on my own where I do not belong. To be heard, I can not do this alone, over and over that was the message and no matter how hard you sh those words do not fit where I am. That has been the feeling for so long and I have been more than sorry. When things are already so heavy, there are times when fighting for something on your own becomes unbearable and I was in that place. I didn't want lecture I wanted an hear and compassion and understanding. Maybe I never gave enough back, maybe t was a season I could go on guessing for days, years and I am not sure that there would bw any more answers than what I know right now. It's sad, and I don't know where to go from here. My heart is breaking and I so want to hold on but the hurt, I am not sure that I can.
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