How about just be kind to people. How about, just a message saying hello thinking about you. Those are the things that mean the world and take so little effort. I am more than frustrated , because I just don't understand. How about we all just be good people. Because if you have to keep talking about remembering those that are broken and then you don't it's something that looses any meaning that it might have had. And not for the person that is saying remember the broken; its hard for the broken for the hurt, because they are alone and words mean nothing. Its when there is something behind those words. Maybe for others there are actions behind the words and oh I am more than happy and I hope that those words have actions behind them for those people. But for those people who hear the words and have nothing , no checking in no hello it hurts more than words.
I don't need lectures about church and religion I can say at 43 I have tried 120%, and I am left 100% of the time. I won't try anymore. I gave my all and nothing. Out of sight out of mind. I tried again and again and again. Heartbroken. I I am done.
Holy Cross
Nothing safe and sound, nothing but abuse and power. Seeing the same people that have raped you receive communion then talk about forgiveness....I am the outcast, the one who doesn't take things word for word, the one who wants answers. Blacksheep, nothing being left to fend for yourself.....So I did. I would not be a part of something where abuse after abuse happens and nothing is done.
The Corners :
Gave my all, disbanded got lost in the confusion. Lots of lying. Fake people. Heart broken Heartbroken
The Ranch:
Same thing once again New pastors came in like bulldozers, I was crushed more people leaving, friends that were not, I got left further and further behind. Heartbroken, crushed, changed
Gateway:
There with friends, they left alone again. Gave my all to the nursery no care and concern for what I was going through, even talked to pastor, no response really didn't understand where I was coming from, I so tried. Knew this wasn't my place. Crushed as expected
Mercy church
I thought I found a place, I found a pastor that met with me that heard me but was way beyond busy and there were more important things for him to do. I found a group of amazing people and slowly slowly things started to slip away, to many questions, I felt heavy and like I was too much I became distant and then I sent him an email he is no longer a pastor , that once sweet place was gone......CRUSHED HEARTBROKEN.........DONE
I have had my heart broken enough times in this world and I am not willing to do it anymore. I am not willing to be a part of something that is only going to add to my heartbreak and hurt. I want people who are true and real in each and every situation not just in church. Kindness at all times that is what matters to me. Being remembered, being thought of. I am even done asking for what I need even the small things like letting me know if you think of me. For my bruised battered heart that is all that I have asked and its been to much. So I have to be ok with that as much as it hurts. There are no forever's. I say what I mean and I will always always remember people and say hello thinking about you because I never want the people around me to feel what I do. I will remember the anniversaries, the important dates because I know those things matter. Even those far away just say hello hope you are great. Even if they aren't ok your words can make a difference for their entire day. I will not pretend to fit in somewhere anymore. I am just going to be me, show kindness everyday, let those I love know what they mean, hold my true friends close, and live, love and laugh lots. Oh Someday I hope to remembered for those times that I just wanted to say hello and thanks for all you do. Someday. But NOT Today.
I heart your heart.
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