Relationships

Yea once again so many words and where do I begin.  Vincent and I struggle.  Having my mom live with us is hard.  She gets in the middle and Vincent is different.  I don't know how to change that. I don't know how to make it better.  And this morning Vincent was up, he let vivi outside and I was like oh thanks and thought this would be a time for us to connect and to talk, so I went down stairs and nothing.  I tried to have a conversation, tried what I knew that he liked and I got up and started to clean the kitchen.  At times there feels like there isn't a connection there.  I mean there is he is my son and I love him more than he will ever know but he does not treat me kindly a lot and there are the looks and sneers from my mother always making excuses and sticking up for Vincent and it makes things more than hard and I don't even have a clue how to make better.  Often times in the house its like there is this line drawn and its Mariska and I then Vincent and Granny.  All I know is that when it was the three of us things were not like that.  It was the three of us.  And When I talk about my family I think of the three of us. She was not a part of my family for a long time, and there are things that hurt.  There are things that she would like to pretend didn't happen and didn't break my heart but they did and today they still hurt.  SO I feel like I am stuck between a rock and a hard place.  I want that same relationship with Vincent and I don't know how to get it back.  I see so many things from when I was growing up and things that she did with my brother, how she made excuses for him and tea lets look at my brother.  I have so nicely asked her please you have got to stop making excuses for him.  There are things that are not ok.  He is disrespectful to me all the time, it doesn't matter what I say and that is not ok.  He is not just helpful I have to ask and everything is an attitude and and she says nothing,  its so hard and I don't know what to do or have any one to go to.   I often feel that he hates me,  like I can do nothing right, he is only happy when he is getting something when money is being spent and that is something that there is very little of.  I can't for the life of me even say anything about my mom because he can't even hear it, and tunes me out.  I guess all this to say I miss my family the three of us.  We will always be the three of us, but I so miss the things that we had on Creekview, and it makes me more than sad.

I heart your heart .