I don't give a damn

I don't give a damn
What you were wearing
I don't give a damn how much you drank
I don't give a damn
If you danced with him earlier in the evening
If you texted him first/ or were the one to go back to his place
People may continue to come up with reasons "Why it happened"
But the truth is,  I don't give a damn.

But I do give a damn how you're doing
I give a damn about you being ok
I give a damn if you're if you're being blamed for the hurt you were handed
If you're being made to believe you're deserving of pain

The only reason I am standing here
Is because people gave a damn about my well being/ even when I did not
They reminded me that I carry light
And I deserve to be loved
Even when I forgot

They gave a damn
That's why I am who I am today.

So here's the takeaway
When we step up for survivors
When we stop sealing them off in shame
When we quit interrogating them with stupid questions

Look What Happens
Books are written, laws are changed
We remember we were born to create
To Not only survive, but look hot and celebrate

Tonight we must come away knowing
That I will always, always give a damn about you
The way that you gave a damn about me.

I saw Chanel recite this poem the other day and it wrecked me and I have watched it multiple times every day since then. This changed me in ways, ways that I don't have words for  this made me feel not so alone.  This made me realize and be oh so grateful for those people in my life that give a damn about me. I think this made me stronger in ways that I am not even sure that I understand.  Because I am not going to stop talking wring and sharing.  I am one of those people that is going to keep sharing until things are different until people are heard until are cared for and understood.  I have this poem printed and in a frame in my bathroom.  I read it every morning.  I more than fear being forgotten , not being believed feeling like i have to prove myself and I don't want to do that anymore.  I want to some day feel pretty, someday I want to celebrate who I am and how far that I have come.  I want that.  I want that more than even I understand.  As this new year begins and the challenges that are in my path are steady and strong, I am stronger and I am not giving up.  I look forward for the ways that I will change this year. I am making new connections, saying how I feel and letting go of the people and things that make me sad.  I am connecting with people that are like me, that understand that I can look to and think ok they made it so can I.  I am connecting with people who share my passions and its nothing to be laughed at and mocked but celebrated and shared and that is more than a great feeling and I need more of that.  I think as sad as my heart is how much that I want to crawl somewhere far away,  I am standing hoping and waiting for the time that I don't want to crawl away but the day that I can stand and say today is really hard be here and love me or leave because I don't want any more sometime people.  I don't want any more heartache.  I believe that as hard as the beginning of this year has been things are going to happen that I could never even imagine in my wildest dreams.  So here is to the fighter in my heart and believing that I can have all the things that I long for.

I heart your heart.