This kind of Storm

Yes, there is this kind of storm raging and its feels more than overwhelming. Its the kind of storm that you can see building that you know is coming and you know that there is nothing that is going to stand in its way. I  feel this storm inside and its more than frustrating. I am tired of being forgotten and looked over. I am tired of being unseen.  I want to scream at the world , I want things different and better and everything kind.

I am working more than hard trying to heal, and do all that I need to do and I want to scream at the world until I catch up.  I am always hundreds of steps behind, and just when I think I am catching up ; something else steps right in to remind me that I am not even close. Maybe this is just me maybe I am not meant to catch up ?  Will I always be behind ?  Is there ever going to come a time when I feel that I am exactly where I am supposed to be !   Its so frustrating being 45 and feeling like you are so far behind everyone else !  I can do my job, I am a god mom and then there are times when it feels like personally,  I am clueless.  Relationships clueless.  Like there are some thing in this life when things stopped for me.  There are parts that stopped when I was 5. There were parts that stopped when I was thirteen.  I think that someday if I can just nurture those parts that are stuck, if I can just offer the things that they never had somehow there has got to be healing in that.  Maybe that is what I am working towards, and have been all along.  I didn't get this way overnight, and it may take a lifetime but as I always say I on't stop fighting even with this kind of storm in front of me. 

I heart your heart