Down the rabbit hole to Pennsylvania

I went down a rabbit hole and found out my father has moved this time to Pennsylvania.

I only went looking, hoping by some miracle he was dead. I really want to dance on his grave. I want to see his dead body. I want to Make sure he is cold and can't hurt anyone else ever. I want that, so so much. I want to scream at his grave stone, I want to scream until there are no more words, no more tears and nothing left to say. I need to know that he has no breath in his bones and can never ever hurt anyone ever again.  I need to know that he is not taking up space and breathing the same air . 

Someone once said something about him going to heaven.  I was shocked, and everything stopped for a minute.  I said excuse me, he is going to heaven?  They kept talking I heard Blah Blah Blah , and I finally said well if he is going to heaven, then I for sure am going to going to hell, because I will not share the same place with a monster.  They went on making excuses, saying that things are different, that the things that matter on this earth won't matter in heaven ? What the fuck,  my heart will still be broken and needs a place to rest, how dare you lecture me about him being in heaven; you don't have a fucking clue the damage that he created, the unimaginable weight on a little girl to carry all the things that he was doing on silence.  That I not a person that I want to share space with.  And for anyone to allow that I also want nothing to do with. 

I found his address and everything, he lives in a trailer park.  I hope it is dark and dreary and I also wish that there are no small children around. The address is 520 Memory Ln Girard PA 16417. Memory Lane that is something else .  And I saw a picture of him, he has a white beard and his eyes are droopy, maybe sad. I wish I saw him and felt nothing,  I wish I saw him as the monster that he is.  I see him and wonder, how could a single person be so evil.  I just wish that he would die. Can't he get Covid the serious ventilator kind and just die? I can't wait for him to be gone, somewhere else anywhere but here on this earth. Why is it that evil people like him live long lives, when others with good kind hearts die way beyond their time. I don't understand. I am just screaming inside, and there doesn't seem to be any relief.