My Wishes

 Oh so many wishes.

 To be safe; To be loved. 

To laugh the laugh of a thousand lifetimes. 

To believe there are good things ahead, to enjoy every minute exactly where you are. 

Today, the last few weeks I am not ok. None of my wishes were allowed to come true. 

I am seeing all the dreams that were smashed to pieces. 

I am seeing all the ways that my life was turned upside down. 

I am being more open. 

I am scared beyond belief.

I am opening up things I have wanted to forget. 

I am opening up the things that need light and air.

The violence. 

The brutal violence. 

That was always always there. 

The things that were done to my body, that I don't have words for. 

The things that were done that have never been spoken. The small details that tear at a soul. 

The words kept hidden, because some words are simply too heavy.

A heart that smiles, but cries all the time.

A body so broken, that the most precious are lost.

A heart so torn, there is wonder if love is even an option. 

No one wants to hold a heart like mine.  

We sometimes bite, because terror is what we know . 

I am often not sure that there is enough kindness in the world to ease this pain inside. 

Its a deep pain that would be more of a scream than a word. 

A pain so intense that the world just goes away for a time, because it has too. 

The things that have happened are  often incompatible with life, so there is a part that knows exactly what to do. 

People judge, people stare, people wonder, not many step up to walk beside. 

My wishes are for the lonely, because the fear of hurt, of being left are so great. 

The words are to heavy to say, and too heavy to keep inside, such a bind that creates.  

No one ever should have to hear those things, NOT EVER

Stuck between a rock and a hard place, tell and feel the shame of millions, or remain silent and die from the pressure

I wish for peace, I wish for Love I wish for a kindness that will forever stay

I wish for the pictures to go away. 

I wish for the hands to find death. 

I wish for the memories to loose their vividness

I wish for peaceful dreams where I am heard and respected and cared for 

Those are my wishes and I have to hold on to that smallest hope that maybe someday just maybe that even a small part of my wish just might come true. 

I heart your heart.