You know sometimes its the simple things. My windshield has been cracked for a few years. I would never spend the money to get it fixed. There was a level of worthiness or lack of worth that played a huge part in this for me. There was always something else that came first. Every day when I got in my car, I more than hated looking at that crack, that over the months had gotten bigger and bigger . The once little crack had spread. I somehow in my head thought that I deserved that crack, that it was literally a representation that I don't didn't and never will deserve better. Kind of a theme in my life not deserving good things, not deserving to have nice things. It was the same kind of thing when someone wanted to give me their broken couch. I said no then they said they were just going to throw it away anyway and the comments that were made broke my heart. I wasn't worth a nice couch that wasn't broken. I wasn't worth a beautiful clear windshield.
Finally Finally after the last freeze, the crack spread. You could hear the glass cracking as the ice began to de-thaw. I was afraid of the entire window caving in. So I did it, I finally got a new windshield. I can not even tell you how great that it is. If a windshield can be beautiful mine is all that and more. This sounds so incredibly stupid but oh so how I have felt. Someday I hope that my worth won't even be a question for me.
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