The Shower

 A shower is supposed to be a place to wash away the unclean

For me the shower is the unclean, the undoing, the evil that began the day

A young girl listening to her music , preparing for the day,  singing like no one was listening

Singing a song I can't remember anymore ….

Because just like that it stopped, My silver boom box , that click of a cassette being paused

Like everything else, the world stopped. Just Stopped. The lights inside went out , 

I looked out of the shower curtain and there stood Don. 

Millions of thoughts yet I was frozen.

There was an implosion in my heart, why was he back,  WHY,WHY, WHY 

I didn't understand.  There was no where to go. 

He had that smile, not the kind gentle kind. The evil horrific kind.

He started to undress. I tried to grab a towel,

He grabbed it telling me I wouldn't need it

The tears started, and the begging began. 

There was a part of me that knew what was going to happen, 

a part of me died, another went away and another stayed and endured. 

More begging, pleading, that just seemed to make him joyful.

His undressing took seconds but it felt like forever and he was in the shower. 

The tears, the begging, Please stop, please don't , stop , no , that hurts me , 

The cold shower wall I was pushed on, he held my hands over my head

He turned the water so hot, I felt like my skin was going to fall off

Once again another soul scream, I was raped.  

His words like knives, I wanted it, even liked it . 

Those were not my thoughts.  I wanted him to stop, I wanted him out of me. I wanted to be singing my song. I didn't like , never wanted that.

I don't know how long he was there in the shower, because truly time stopped. 

He was rough, he was violent he was hurtful. He hit, he choked, he laughed. 

I was far away, I didn't feel anymore, I saw the blood, and felt nothing.

He was done and got out of the shower. An accomplishment for him.

I was broken. 

The water had gone cold, and hurt my burnt skin.  I fell to the shower floor. 

This is what I was made for.  

I finally reached and shut the water off..  

My mind trying to figure out my next steps, clean up, get dressed, forget 

Only to open the shower curtain and realize he was still there, he was looking and laughing. 

He had no intention of going anywhere.  This was the beginning of the end, he had plans for the day. 

I heart your heart.