Things I will never

 

Sometimes Facebook is not such a great thing.  Sometimes you can look people up and sometimes it can make a person sad. It makes me sad, so very sad. I know not everything a person does on  Facebook is real, not all of those people have a perfect a perfect life, I am not saying that. Its just life experiences , I have missed out on so many. You see the people that you went to school with, other people in your world and their kids and who they have married and sometimes it makes me jealous because there are so many life experiences that I have never had the chance to experience. There are so many things I have missed out on.  Sometimes I wonder when that sad will go away. There were so many milestones that I don't have a clue about. There are so many life things that I don't understand.  I feel like there are parts of me that stopped at 13.  There are just parts of me that never have been able to move on. There seem to be so many things that I will never know or experience.  That is a very hard realization to wrap your head around.  I want to be ok in the place that I am, I want to know that the things I am doing are exactly where  I am meant to be.  The weight of all that will never be for me, is felt more lately and I feel it with every cell and every fiber of my being. There are just things that are not meant for me in this life.  There are things that I have to let go of . I want to be happy where I am and not have that longing feeling for things that aren't meant to be.  I work on that so much.  My life experiences are different. That is a fact, but so often I feel like the differences are just more than blaring and I feel less than. 

Some things I just will never  

Being a Virgin

Being a child

Being innocent

Being carefree 

Feeling safe

Having a person to keep you safe

Feeling Important 

Having friends

Understanding adult things

Dating

dances

curfew

parties

Being Special 

having a person, 

getting married, 

A honeymoon,

getting pregnant with a man who loves me

having that person be a father, 

watching that man be a father and 

keep his family safe 

Belonging

Being a part of a group

Feeling value and worth

unconditional love

being comfortable in my own skin

I heart your heart.