Such a heavy heart

 I want to curl up in a ball and make the world go away for you. I want to hold you and tell you all the things that you never got to hear.  There are days I want to join you on that side of the wall because this side is just too much. You always just had to keep going keep going no matter what was happening to you.  I know that you are scared and often can't bare the light but I am here on the other side and you don't have to be afraid.  I am here and I am not going anywhere.  And maybe you aren't' ready for the world, I understand that.  All that I ask is for you to take that first step, come beside me and we can do this together.  You don't have to talk about it if you don't want to, but I am here and if you do want to talk that is ok, I will listen to every word and think nothing less. I will listen the first time and the hundredth time and all the times after that until your heart can find some peace and you believe that you were meant for more.  Maybe you aren't ready to open your eyes but reach out and let me help you. Just reach out, I am here and I am not going anywhere.  I know the world that you live in is the darkest darkness that anyone could ever imagine but you do not deserve to live there.  You do not deserve to keep yourself hidden .  You sweet girl deserve the light, you do deserve good things in this world .  I know that the weight you carry is unimaginable, but I hear you and I see you.  I want so much for you to be free, for you to open your eyes and feel the sun, open your eyes and see the good things in this world.  It's not happening anymore, I am not sure that you know that.  I know that you hold on thinking the tighter the grip the less likely you are to ever be hurt again. I know that your mind replays that time over and over and over.  I know that you see the pictures and feel their hands. You try so hard to find reasons, excuses anything to find the WHY of the things that happened to you.  I know that like a movie you see the things that happened to you in such vivid detail.  You remember smells and colors and feelings.    I have to remind you, you didn't ask for that.  Even kissing him was not an invitation.  Having butterflies and being excited were all things that were ok.  I can tell you that I am sorry all the rest of our days with every breath that I have and it still wouldn't be enough.  What we had to endure is heartbreaking but there are people to listen and hear that aren't going anywhere.  It is ok to talk about how you feel and its even ok not to have the words.  I believe you.  I believe you and I want you to hear that.  I am here desperately trying to get you out from behind the wall but I need your help.  I know its terrifying, but we can do this.  They win if you stay closed off in the darkness, we win when you can sit close to me and open your eyes; give words to all that you were forced to keep in silence.  There is no more silence on the other side, and when things get bumpy, when things get overwhelming we can take it one  step at a time even an hour or mere minutes at a time.  You deserve a life full of good things, I wish you so much happy, and love and I know that those are things that can not live on your side of the wall.  I am doing all that I can reaching out for you, I need you to just reach back and know that once you do you will never ever be alone again.  I will do whatever it takes to keep you safe and sound.  You have suffered in silence for far too long and I am not willing to let you wither away.  Would that be easier some days it sure would, I understand that.  You have a lot of life left to live, and things to experience.  I want you to know that no matter how long it takes, I am not giving up.  I will never stop trying until you are here sitting with me on the couch and we are one. 

I heart your heart.