Grief can exist where there is life

There is a sadness that I can't put my finger on that lingers, 

a sadness that stays with me even in my greatest joy

It's something I fight all the time and desperately try to understand

I have learned that there are just some things in life that are not. 

Understandable.

There is a grief that is more than hard to put into words.

I think of the ending scene in Nell, and that is what it feels like. 

There is a peace in the moment when we are fully present.

Yet, that sadness remains forever. 

I think that I'm going to have to learn to live in this place.

To enjoy the moments that make my heart most happy 

But sit in the grief because there are pieces I will never hold or understand.

How crazy that once I believed in happily ever after

Those things are not meant for me.

I will find my happiness, but there is no happily ever after

That is a huge difference.

I am not comfortable with this grief; I wish it weren't there as a permanent resident.

I am ok with the visitation, but there are pieces of my heart that are just. 

pure grief, in all of its ugliness

Honestly, I think that it is grief that has always been my closest friend.

So many good things and new beginnings

Yet this grief still exists where there is life

I heart your heart