I weep when the silence opens

This is so the place that I am in. I am blossoming. I am in the mending phase, and there are so many things I know and so much I am learning. It's a place where I am challenging what I have learned and looking towards what I want to understand better. There are so many tears and lots of growing pains; it's letting go and adopting new ways of thinking. 

 I cry, and I cry, and I cry. There was a time that I didn't, and now it seems that they flow quite often. I have been trying to figure out where they all come from and what they mean.  Some are sad, some are happy, some are the things that I don't have words for. My eyes are a river that flows freely. I am sitting here now, the tears flowing, listening to a new song that speaks to my very soul. I feel everything so deeply, and I am grateful for that, even though it is hard. There are still so many sad tears that have never been given a voice, but lately these tears of mine are just the tears of all the silences that I have had in my life where tears were never allowed, and are just now starting to blossom.  The tears today are tears that I never imagined I would get a chance to share, to experience, to feel. I am at a place in life that I have worked for, and I am not even sure I ever truly imagined what it would be like. I knew I wanted it, but never imagined it would actually be mine. 

I am in a place where my tears are helping plant seeds for others, and I am offering hope to those who may have lost theirs for a time. I am doing things today that are making a difference and have purpose and meaning. I am better at controlling those tears, but they are the things that deserve to be seen and even witnessed by others. Too many sad tears have been cried as I fell off to sleep or hid the deepest pain to make it just one more day. I have cried oceans, and only a pond has been seen. So the tears just come, at the little things, the big things, and all the things in between.  For the longest time, I wasn't allowed to feel or experience, and now it is my time to experience all the things that I was never given permission to feel or see. The silence is so loud and I am working to give that part a voice. All that spunky was never allowed to share, to speak to feel. Because today I don't need anyone's permission, and if a person can't handle my tears, then they need to find a different space than the one I have worked so hard to build. 

I am not a fan of all the tears, but I have to say, it's a kind of reassuring softness I feel when I think of my tears as something blooming, watering the path I am on for all the amazing things ahead of me. I feel like pieces are falling into place for me, and I am scared to death and more excited than I have ever been in my whole life. 

I heart your heart