I'm IN

 

There are so many thoughts, feelings, and doubts swirling in my brain, and there is a peace, a determination, a drive that just doesn't stop. 

Friday June 5, 2026 I had my interview for the Ph.D program. I was more than excited, not sleeping the previous 2 nights. How was I going to convey just how important this was to me, and that this was something that I knew I was meant to do? They told us they would let everyone know within 7 days and that we would receive an email. 3:11 I saw the email: Congratulations, you have been accepted into the program! 

My fear when I started my master's was that I had not yet completed my own work!   I was always so afraid that somehow counseling others would heal my own heart.  I didn't want to do this to heal myself; once I started seeing clients, that was so not the case.  I was able to separate my own healing from counseling others. I was proud of myself and knew I was doing the right thing. My master's program has been everything amazing, I have met professors that I will forever keep in contact with and reach out for guidance. But the truth is that being in the master's program did help my own healing. I think the day I decided to continue with my master's was the day I realized I needed to do something. I didn't want to drown in the things that have happened to me. I wanted to make them mean something. As much as I wish that things were different, as much as I wish that I could change things and make them different, I can not. But what i can do is move forward, make a difference and give meaning to the things that I have been through. Wounded healer, could not be more fitting. I am wounded; there are parts of my heart that will forever be tender, but there is also a piece of me that has moved on and is ready to fight for others. I am not saying that I am done, I have work to do on sweet spunky, that brave, amazing part of me that helped me get to this point. But there is a healed part of me that is strong and brave and so determined to do things differently. Getting my Ph.D. and being admitted into the program is a dream come true and means more than I could ever explain in words.  So many things have gotten me to this point. 

Undefeated by Freya Ridings 

I stand here broken

but never beaten

if my heart is open

I'm undefeated

I have been knocked down

but I am still breathing

if my heart keeps going 

Even with a tidal wave of fear in my chest

I'm undefeated

I am undefeated 

I stand undefeated

I am undefeated

And I stand like I'm still a champion

anything could happen

And I feel that magic now

Oh all of the things that I feel right now, Magic would be one of the first words. I feel like I am on the right path, like I can see the healing I have done that has led me here, and I am more than excited to start this next chapter, continuing to heal myself and others. I do worry about the days I might feel like I am drowning, but I have to remember this moment and how far I have come. It's one of those moments when so many moments of struggle and despair come together, and there is a realization that the things that tried to break you didn't, and you're still here, standing, doing all the things that you never imagined. I am still not done. I will continue fighting for Spunky, but I am so on my way, and she is closer than she has ever been.  She will make it, she will join me, and we will do this together. She deserved so much better, and she is going to be with me through this program, so we can do better for others

I heart your heart