So this year I got the chance to spend Thankgiving with my favorite people in Colorado. It was more than amazing; more than awesome; and in so many ways I felt whole. A feeling that I don't feel very often. Its like all my broken pieces loose their edge and the pieces that I desperatly try to figure out just fade away. I could write pages of words to try and help you understand why these people are so important, but its just something that is. James was my training wheels, my encourager my biggest supporter, and Amy was someone who I looked up to, she was funny, and truthful and honest and sarcastic and I loved it, I loved her even before I really knew her. There just was something different something special from the very beginning. And it has been that way since I met them only 5 years ago. I was a big old mess when I met them, and they loved me anyway. When I first met them i would literally dream about sitting in their kitchen and just seeing their family and imagining what that was like. I remember those dreams so very clear. I was just sitting against the wall, smiling watching, I never imagined they would become so important and be such a major part of my life. Everything about these people is more than a miracle for me. Yes, they are just every day normal people but for me its so much more than that. I love them more than much, more than I have loved anyone besides my children.
So it all started and I got a call saying that James had a question for me and to give him a call. I was more than a little shocked; a question for me, I was always the one with all the questions. So I sent an email, and they said that they were thinking and that would I want to come to Colorado for Thanksgiving?!? Would I ? What does the tooth fairy fly ? Is the Sky Blue ? Do I love whales? YES,YES,YES My heart was busting inside. We weren't sure if my old car would make it and Catrina said that I could take hers. Then in the same week that I am invited to Colorado with my favorite people, I was blessed with a new car. Perfect for my trip to Colorado.
I was more than excited, the kids were ready to pack weeks before we were leaving. This was a break that I needed. This was a chance to be with my favorite people in the whole world, and just be. With them I don't have to explain, I can just be and that is ok.
So we were going to leave Tuesday morning then things changed, And we were going to leave early Sunday morning and get there in the evening. SO Saturday we ran around crazy, nothing working like I wanted it too, stores not having what I wanted, kids being grouchy, it was a mess of a day. And we didn't get home until late and I still had to do all the laundry and pack. So needless to say I did not pack well AT ALL! But by the time I was packing I didn't even care, I was going to COLORADO !!!! SO got the kids in bed, and continued to get things ready, then finally was in Bed by I would say around 1....really how could I sleep anyway....
Amy and James had moved away about 2 years ago, and I still missed them the same. It hadn't lessened. It had not gotten easier. I didn't cry everyday or every month anymore but there was a hole, that they were were gone. I accepted it, people can move, it happens but my heart was broken and they could visit and I wouldn't cry, but there were ok; there are still times when I miss them so very much that I just can't stop the tears, one of the only things I can cry about lately, is missing them. But I was going to spend the holiday with them and their family, oh my heart. These were the people that cared for my heart this is where I truly wanted to be. And they were talking about being excited and that they couldn't wait for me to come, and that felt so strange. I can like to be around someone and dare I say need people but when someone is excited about seeing me ?!? Yea that is something foreign, it felt good to be wanted and for someone to be excited about getting to see me and the kids. I felt loved, and my heart was more than happy.
So I was up around 4 am and packing up the car and we were on the road by 5. I was seriously busting, the ride there was awesome, well mostly awesome. We stopped about 4 hours in at a rest stop where there were signs everywhere saying beware of rattlesnaks, and it made us laugh. We could not believe that we were finally on the road to Colorado. We kept driving driving and finally we were out of Texas and into New Mexico. Vincent kept asking Are those mountains ? And I would smile and say no thats just a hill, and he would ask if I was sure. There were a few light snow showers that were pretty exciting, we were like little kids that had never seen snow, yea we were a little excited! There were a few tears on the way there, my heart was just so happy. It almost didn't feel real. And then finally we saw the sign welcome to Colorado and the tears just came. It was true and I was going to see my favorite people in a few hours. I couldn't believe it, it was one of those It's really happening moments, and I was in Heaven. The mountains were so beautiful and the snow was picking up mile by mile. And then it snowed harder and harder, until it covered the roads and then snow plows were needed. Then out of nowhere a little mini ice-storm and staffic was stopped. I was so close, and that crazy ice !!!! The kids thought that it was quite cool, all the snow on the ground. I was shaking, I was sliding and the car would not move, I have grown up in Texas I don't know how to drive in ICE ! It felt like we were stuck forever, moving less than two miles an hour but we eventually got passed it. After being honked at and other cars speading by, a few more miles down the road and all was clear we were almost there , and I just couldn't get there fast enough.
And we made it, and Amy was home it was more than Perfect. Amy had made a dinner for us and put in the oven we got to talk a little the kids were playing, my heart was happy, my heart was very happy, my heart was very very happy. I just sat relaxed on the couch, James got home, I got a hug, one of those hugs that just makes all your broken pieces go back together, and I was grateful to be there, I needed them.
Monday the kids and I got to take little Nathan to Target with us, because the girls still had school, as we picked up last minute supplies and ingredients. We had so much fun, we laughed so much, it was perfect. We rolled rolls Then we had a special dinner that was their community group, it was fun, there were good people and oh yea we learned that putting sweet potatoes under the broiler and walking away might not be a good idea, but it was an easy fix and a few new bags of marshmellows and all was well. Once we were able to get the firealarm off and open some windows , you would never know we had an inferno in the kitchen. HEHE still makes me laugh, it was perfect though. Tuesday was the same we had a blast poor Amy was a little sick so All the kids and I played and had some fun and just chilled. I enjoyed every single second. I was present every single second and it was more than amazing. Each day was perfect, each day I felt loved each day I even slept. But it was real sleep, with no nightmares, not once while I was there were there any flashbacks, there was nothing, I was in the moment each and every second and that felt so good, even at the Party Monday, I was all there, and it was fabulous. Vincent and James played Video games and Vincent was in heaven he even dreamed about playing and was super excited having a man around. Wednesday evening we went to this most awesome burger place, and i have to say it was the bomb, and there were these fries with truffle oil ! OMG they were amazing. It was truly perfect and all was well in my world. Then the Pie Party that wasn't my favorite, I didn't know anyone, but it was fine, I just sat back and watched, and then we made it home to get ready for Thanksgiving dinner. There was chopping and laughing and getting everything ready, I was in the Wiebe's kitchen helping with thanksgiving dinner and I was in heaven.
Thursday time flew by, I waanted time to slow down, I got to see the Garlands who used to live in Texas and had also moved to Colorado. I got to meet Aunt Penn and Uncle Bill. I got to meet another woman and her mom that go to their church. There was no drama, it was just perfect peaceful, fun. We played games after dinner, it was wonderful. There were no worries on my heart and I was happy. I was a part of something awesome, and I was holding each and every precious moment. Then from the Bathroom I hear Nathan Mariska made a mess!! It was like uh oh what kind of mess and as I turned the corner, yep it was a mess Mariska had a touch of that stomach bug..... YEA not pretty and little nathan says "It's ok I will clean it up," such a sweetie. So we put her in the tub I cleaned the bathroom, and we all ended up watching Starwars, with a sound system that shakes you in your seat and it was pretty awesome.......
Then it was Friday I was well aware our time was winding down, we would be leaving soon, I knew that it was going to be rough I didn't realize how tough until Friday. Ellie still wasn't feeling so hot, So her and Amy stayed home and decorated the entire house which looked absolutly beautiful, and James and I with Nathan, Emma, Vincent and Mariska went to see the mountains. It was more than perfect. We learned so much. Everything was perfect. It was a warm 72 degrees and on top of the mountain it was a very cold 36 with lots of wind !!!! Yea I was freezing but it was so amazing. We took lots of pictures but I can tell you no picture could ever capture just how beautiful that it was. There was absolutly nothing like it. It was on the way back down the mountain, that the tears started, I was going to be going home and I didn't want to. These people made my heart happy and I wanted to be there. It was back to reality, I still missed them terribly and I was going to have to leave in the morning, that was not fun. I felt so whole and I didn't want to loose that. I tried to hide it and I mostly did I think. We got awesome pizza for dinner, with garlic knots oh they were amazing !!!! Then down to the basement for a little transformers it was more than awesome! We put the suitcases in the car, got some of our things packed Then aunt Penn and UNcle Bill came over and we played more games, pure perfection. Then We were all talking in the kitchen and little sweet Emma started crying that she didn't want us to leave. And I had to go in the restroom and the tears wouldn't stop, I didn't want to leave either. There were lots of tears this day, I knew that our time was coming to an end and my heart was breaking. I loved this family I teased that I was going to be a stow away and that I wasn't going home, I was kidding but I was serious, I felt that amazing there. My heart was happy and cared for, and I was there in every second and that was more than amazing and felt really good. So we all said our goodnights and went downstairs, and I kinda fell apart. I just couldn't stop crying. I didn't want to leave, I cried for hours and my poor eyes, I wrote and I cried and cried some more, there wasn't much sleep. If I didn't sleep I wouldn't have to acknowledge that we were leaving, yea, didn't work. I had to come back to Texas. I slept a total of about 3 hours. And it was time. I was loading up the car, and I wasn't expecting everyone to be up yet and when i walked in everyone was up and I started right away. There is no Good in Good-bye that is for sure. I hugged Amy and James, hugged the girls, I wanted to do it fast, it was more than hard and really hurt, I could stay there forever and be perfectly happy. And I hugged James and held on, I didn't want to let go, I just love this family so very much and they mean the world to me. The gifts that I was given all week were such a blessing to me and my heart was breaking it was coming to an end.
We had to get gas before getting on the road and the tears didn't stop. And Mariska cried and we cried together then we would stop then we would cry some more. We would go then be ok then I would hear a song or see the sign that I was leaving Colorado and the tears would start again. Such an amazing wonderful week and I had to drive home. I cried off and on all the home, and I was trying to be grateful for the time that I had not sad that I had to leave, but it was hard.
We made it home and I love my home its calm and peaceful and beautiful. I love the people that have blessed me so much here in Texas. But I have to say Colorado kept some of my heart. Its different, its away from here. Nothing bad happened there, there were no bad memories, only love, LOTS OF LOVE and my heart was often overwhelmed with happy and that felt amazing.
I am not sure what the future holds. I am not sure what is next what doors may open or close but I know what I felt there was real and I know that these people love me and I love them more than I could ever put into words. It was a wonderful amazing, incredible week that I will hold close and remember forever. Hopefully soon there will be a time when i will go back again. So until then, I will remember how amazing that it felt there and look forward to next time.
People have asked me in the past what is it about them that makes them so important, and often there are no words they just are. What is so special about them, they love me and all my pieces, they care for me heart, and make sure that I am ok. They care for my heart These people came into my life and changed my world and for that I will be forever grateful. I will always miss them, but maybe someday we can be closer , who knows anything can happen.
So my people I love you more than you can imagine. I am grateful I got to spend this time with you, you are truly loved . I heart your heart and know I am more than blessed by you. I love you more.
I heart your heart.
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