In the News ALL THE TIME

Yea ,so lately the news is full of coverage about rape whether its a college student who isn't believed and her credibility is questioned over every detail or Its yet another celebrity that is being accussed of rape, abuse and for some one like me this is difficult.  There is no getting around it anyway that we turn and yet we really don't talk about it at all.  This was a public service announcement with Mariska Hargitay for NO MORE that says it all,

Its not easy to talk about no one wants to talk about it but the fact is that it HAPPENS to people; a lot of people. A lot more than we would ever like to think.  Its a strange thing really because some people are pretty open and others are not at all and yet I have reached out to many survivors asking questions and all I get is silence which I think is kind of funny being that many survivors say they are trying to break the silence.  We all question the girl who was gang raped by a fraternity and we questione her every move and yet what about those men that hurt her ?  We do not talk about them at all!!!!! Their lack of judgement, lack of caracter, their lack of respect. Our first thoughts go to the victim and what she did wrong.   Others automatically start to question the one that was wounded ?  In what world does that ever make sense ?  IT DOES NOT.  EVER.  And yet as a society that is what we do.   Even me writing this blog, I want it to affect people I want them to take notice and do something. Be sensitive, Be kind don't just stand by people.  We can't, and I won't. These are our daughters, sisters, husbands, friends, coworkers it is all around us.  And being silent does not change a thing, not the facts, not the hurt, not the truth.  Once this crime is committed it affects the lives of the survivor and trickles down to everyone that she loves and is acquainted with.

I am tired of the blaming of the lack of support of the stupidity and lack of comapassion.  I know I would much rather never talk about it, but for other little kids that may be where I was at 5 or 10 or 15, I am pretty sure, no I am more than positive that I will never stop talking about it. I will never let a child feel as alone as I did growing up with abuse. I will not be silent ever again, I will never give up; never stop until we stand with the ones who have been hurt and support and love them as they heal.  Until we make a difference for kids and for my sake and theirs keep them safe and sound.

I see all the articles and I read them every single one looking for answers looking for those right words to make everything better and you know what, I will never find them.  But I have hope in other stories, people that have overcome and will not just lay down and die.  Believe me there are days when that would be easier, but there is a desire to make sure that others understand, there is a need in my heart to want to make people see and to nootice and to do things diferently. There is a need to be heard and understood.

I am tired of hearing about Bill Cosby and whether or not we should keep his shows on TV.  I know for me, I will not watch those shows, I see him and I think of the women that he hurt.  I grew up watching him and I remember his sweaters, those crazy 80's sweaters. And that he was funny he made me laugh.  But I see him and I think of the women that he hurt. The women that he raped.  The women whose lives he changed forever and I  just can't.  Most are not questioning his character,  asking questions of him. We ae not asking him Why! We are unkindly questioning every aspect of the women that are courageously standing up.  What we are doing is asking questions like well why did she wait, why didn't she ever say anything, all the why's for the victim but none for the perpetator.   The case in Virginia leads to the questions why don't we say anything proves the point. We don't say anything because we are the one whose lives are torn apart while they are cosidered innocent until proven guilty. 

Bill Cosby is Guilty.  Those fraternity men are Guilty. Jerry Sandusky Guilty.  Stephen Collins Guilty.  Without question these men are guilty.  I will not question or doubt those women for I know the hell that they have lived through. I am sure my entire life I will read the articles, I will never stop trying to find those magic words, to make it all go away.  But I know that in my fighting, if I touch just a few people and those people touch others than sharing my own story will be worth it.

I was silent for too long.  I am not a good writer, but I write, I have a voice and I am going to continue to write until I am free.  So think people start conversations, ask the hard questions because it will mean the world to many.

I heart your heart.

 

   For All Of Us