FORGIVENESS

Yea that just doesn't work for everyone some things are totally unforgivable.  I believe that with my whole heart. I do not believe that all things are the same that all injustices are  People that I know that are pastors even some counselors they believe that as well and that is fine but for me and my heart where it has been how it has been hurt there are things that are unimaginable and unforgivable and telling me that its for me and nothing to do with them well that doesn't make it any better for me.  I thought that I had found this great new counselor he pushed and wasn't scared of my story, told me things I was experiencing was a very normal reaction to abnormal circumstances.  There was something that made me uncomfortable but figured it was just me.  OK SO maybe this is the right guy,   maybe he will be able to help me.  Then second time things changed, he made jokes all the time made light of things that were heavy and then he brings up forgiveness.  And I said that was not something that I was willing to do,  and after some talk and saying that basically that was the only way he said well after a story about another one of his clients who took a drink after being sober for 30 years he was like like well it sucks to be you.  And then with me since I was unwilling to even look at forgiveness that well it sucks to be me . And he said well I don't mean to sound callous but you have a choice!!  Are you kidding me how dare he say that to me and he says I don't mean to be callous but it sucks to be you and shrugs his shoulders and he said it over and over and it was like a sword through my heart how dare he say that!!!  I am there for help to get better to heal my heart to figure out the things I think and those were his words ?  He was judging me because forgiveness is not something I am willing to do. I told a few people what he said  and they were like yea that is never OK, and it made me mad,  and frustrated and I don't understand why he would say that to me when I am just so much trying to understanding what was done how I was affected and how I can heal.  I went there for support not ridicule.  I went there for understanding and I don't care if he thinks that is the only way to heal .  That is his opinion and not mine.  He made a lot of assumptions and I was just not OK with that. He of coarse he went on to explain himself, about its about me and has nothing to do with him.  BLAH BLAH at that point I had already shut him off.  I want someone who accepts my views and tries to understand and not pushes what they think is the correct way to heal.  I can't stop thinking about it and I texted my friend Val and she was of coarse awesome and she said well then it sucks to be me too...that she will never forgive the person who hurt her son.  I need someone like that I need that in my everyday.  Like she gets it, she totally gets it and I love her so very much.  So once again I am starting with someone else at ground zero, but I have to believe that right person is out there and if I just don't give up and keep trying I will find them and they will see me and they will respect where I am. Still so much to learn and explore.