I am thinking maybe I will never win; Win over the darkness of the past, the nightmares, the flashbacks the pictures that play in my head. The songs that come on the radio that still take my breathe away because I remember. I always remember. The smells that I can not forget, the things that will forever scare me. Maybe I will never find my happily ever after. But not finding my happily ever after maybe its just a different way of looking at life. There are things that will never go away. I am sure that times the sad will come and I will have to let it pass and be glad that I have made it this far. I do not believe that it is ever going to go away, there are things I will never get to experience things that I thought I wanted or even needed. I have to learn to be happy where I am , let the past come when it does; but also remember the stars when all I see is the dark. I fear others thinking that I am dwelling or that I am wanting to hold on or the phrases I have heard my entire life well how is that working for you??? Well it sucks to be you doesn't it ? None of those things are me. I have fought from as far as I can remember and look how far that I have come. Kind of amazing. I am still here, living breathing, growing, learning. Yea so my heart is broken but I get up and smile every day. I enjoy every second, I see the little things and I will never stop fighting to make a difference for others. Those are all the good things that can come from a life like mine. So maybe someday I find that perfect piece to heal my heart, and I promise to never stop looking but until then I keep fighting keep searching and keep going in this crazy life. I have an amazing house a job that is less like a job and more a love and two amazing kids that beyond words. Days get hard nights get long, but I am here and am further than I ever imagined. I am happy I so am, there is just that still sad part that begs to be heard and to be seen. The more I ignore the bigger it becomes, so let it come and see what kind of dreams unfold and what amazing things there are to accomplish.
I heart your heart
No comments:
Post a Comment