I am not less than because I don't go to church

I continually get my heart hurt by a group of women that I on't belong to and I really need to stop.  I know that its not that I want to be part of that group its all about not being included.  I get upset because it totally feels like I was drop kicked to the curb and that is the hard part.  I am sure that the hard part is that for a time a few of those people were my people.  Then all the sudden someone else became more important. Maybe they were always the goal and I was just there.  I don't know but any way that you look at it it hurts.  I am tired of feeling bad that I don't get included that I don't believe like they do.  Great Go on supporting each other because you are not there for me and weren't when I needed someone the most.  One of the women was always being checked on , being cared about and not once was I checked on. Not even the smallest are you OK. There was always a double standard, that I never understood.  I was viewed as the leech and she was everything perfect and grieving.  No one asked how  I was treated and I will never understand that , ever.  I was not asked if things were ok for me, I was just supposed to be grateful. I was grateful every single second.  Even when I was expected to take on other children .I was grateful when we had to eat dinner in the car because she was hanging with boyfriends on the couch. I was grateful, when my heart was breaking trying to care for my own children and hers.  I was always grateful and no one asked how  I was. I was always grateful when  I got a job and still took on other children.  I would invite someone for dinner and then be left behind. I would take everything on for weeks at a time, for vacations with friends. No one asked how I was.  I just have to shut that door.  Glad they all have each other and I sure hope that no one gets treated the way that I was when in the world all I needed was a friend.  It will always hurt getting kicked to the curb, but I can't let that win.  I will always include others not exclude them. They all believe the same, and that is fine. I am not less than because I don't. I don't believe like they do and they have given me no reason to. If the things they stand for allow a person to be treated as I have, then no thank you ever.  If they talk about something so powerful yet behave the way they do, then no thank you.  If believing is what they represent then I need to be far from that.  If what they represent is believing then that is one group I never want to be a part of.  So here's to closed doors and believing in myself and the things that I believe in . To being strong , to standing up for myself and being with people that I can share my passion with and be proud of who I am.  I am me, that is all I have.   I am not going to let them win, I am not the poor girl and I am not that girl that is less than them because I am different. I always felt less than and that is not ok. I am not less than just different. I am my own person and believe things that make my heart happy, that bring me joy that help others because that is who I am.  They seek answers from one source,  that they believe to be everything and I have another, and that is a great thing about me. There was a time I tried to fit, but I never did and I don't to.  My view from this closed door is quite beautiful and I  would not be doing things any other way. 

I am grateful to those who love me just for me exactly where I am.

I heart your heart.