There are things in this world that I don't believe that I will ever have. There are things in this world that I see differently that make me something a little worse, a little more pesky and a burden that is often to heavy for anyone to stay. I often hold my breathe thinking that if I say the things in my head out loud that I will never have, then somehow it will lessen the blow and I won't want those things so much.. Lessen the sadness, lessen the wanting and need for that thing and then maybe I won't need it. I can tell you that doesn't work.
It's so hard to explain. There just are things in this world that are not meant for me. There are things I will never know, never experience never know what its like. I will never get married, never have a child out of love. I will never marry, never have someone all my own that loves my heart with each and every tear and bruise. There are things that I will miss out on because I see things different, because I experience the world different. I am hopeful to find my happy place where I am content, and at least able to take a deep breathe, but there are things I am going to miss out on. Things that there may always be a longing for but an understanding that it's ok.
I long for that place, when the acceptance kicks in, and I am ok with where I am and where my life has led me.
I heart your heart .
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