I will not become small for anyone

 

My entire life I have made myself small to satisfy other people.  I have made myself small to make other people happy.  I have sacrificed, myself and my thoughts and my beliefs all for other people.  I have done what others wanted me to do and kept my thoughts to myself. I hope that finally finally things are changing and I will not make myself small for anyone to feel better about themselves.  If a person needs me small to succeed, then that is not a person that I want to be around in the first place. 

It's strange when a  person starts to stick up for themselves, most people truly aren't sure what to do or how to respond.  That has happened at work.  I am done getting no support and being expected to just take care of things. I am done being treated like I am less than. I am so glad that I made the choice to go to a different campus,  and do things different.  I know that if I stayed, nothing would change, and I am not going to kill myself for a job that would very easily replace me and not think twice.  

It is abaolutly disgusting to me that someone can be made the bad guy when they stick up for themselves.  When they follow the rules and they are the one that is looked down upon.  But they are the ones that were hurt.  They are the one that are seen as the troublemaker, and the one that is stirring the pot.  I will never understand that. 

I will not become small for people ever again.  I am done I have worked harder than hard to get where I am , and I will not let someone's lack of understanding, or lack of care make me something that I am not.  This has kind of been a theme in my life people wanting me to be small, not make a mess, not make too much noise, not cause a commotion.  Yet, it seems that is exactly what I have always done.  I am going to continue to be the same unique, different, me only I refuse to shrink doing the things that I am most proud of.  

I see where I am today and I think I literally should not be here. The things that have happened in my life are things that have stopped a persons breathe forever.  For whatever reason I had a fight and there was no way that I was going to let any of those people win.  Today, I have my own home I am a teacher and I am going to grad school. After all those things, I am still here finding my happily ever after.  One day,   one day I am going to look back and think wow Callahan you did and those feelings of making myself small will be so distant, that they won't even be a thought anymore.  

I will be so happy when i can sit in my successes as easily as I sit in my failures. 

Someday.  

I heart your heart .