The kids and I finally went to see Blackfish after waiting for what felt like forever. I have been posting about it for months on Face book and the time arrived it was finally open in Dallas.I was more than excited, to see something so beautiful and people trying to protect it, there is nothing more powerful.
I realized during that movie that Tilikum and I have a lot in common. And I am heartbroken for him. He is alone. He has been passed around. He has been starved, placed in dark cramped spaces and totally mistreated. He has been deprived of the things that he needs to thrive in the world. Love, respect and kindness. I have heard the comments its "just" a whale. Or " Oh come on its not really like that, its not that bad ". Who cares about an aggressive overgrown whale ? Well , I do. I care that he has not gotten what he needed, I care that he has been treated so unfairly, his entire life And I am going to make it my mission to make sure that people understand the life that he has lived. And the life that people like me have lived.
My connection with whales has been long, since I was 13, I have had this connection, this powerful almost bond with them. The same year that I found my love of whales is the same year that Tilikum or Tilly was moved to Sea World. I can tell you many many parallels that I see in our lives, and maybe that is why, my heart breaks for him. He has always been alone, taken from his family. I have been a loner due to the fact of the things that I had experienced. These whales are not mean and dangerous, they are sad and scared and yearning for what is rightfully theirs; a life in the ocean.
There is a part of me that is thankful I got the chance that summer to connect with whales, it has saved me many times. How I grew up there was no love, no compassion or much caring and when I touched that whale and looked into her eyes there was something there. There was a feeling a connection a bond that I had never experienced. Maybe it was her soul, maybe it was seeing what I needed to see but it had been so long since I was able to connect with anything and there was this huge whale in front of me, staring back. There was a feeling a communication that unless you have had it with another animal as Majestic as a whale you can not possibly understand. I could write books and books of words and descriptions but unless you have experienced that connection no words even come close. That is what I got from those whales. When there was no one, there were the whales. That whale that day saw me, not the gross and disgusting, the loner, or the hate I had for myself. They saw me and made me feel alive again when I felt nothing at all.
For me Blackfish is more than a movie to save the whales and give them back what is rightfully theirs its about what we all deserve is respect, love, caring and kindness. I was excited the night that it came on netflix and I would be able to watch it again see things that I didn't the first time I saw it, and it made me mad and sad and everything to extremes. One person knew how very important this movie was to me and watched it with me, and tried to understand what it meant to me. I am not sure many words came out or if I was very clear, but someone caring to ask and caring to listen was something new and amazing. When I tried to explain about his life, I found the sadness more than I could bare and the tears would not stop. I can relate to his story and the life that he has led. If there is such a thing as soul mates we just might be.
I understand so much where his heart is, yes he is an animal, but he has a soul and a family and I want to make things different for him. I wish that in a second I could give him all the things that humans have taken away from him.
Tilikum has been abused and hurt his entire life. He was always kept in small cramped places. Food was often withheld. He was put in pens with whales that abused and beat him up and yet he kept breathing kept performing. He would have teeth marks all over him from other whales and people saw and knew about them but they did not one thing to help him. People have known that he is not doing well and have done nothing to make his life better. For me I was abused and hurt my entire life. I never wanted to be around people, they were always hurting me, taking what they wanted then looking the other way. People saw things about my life and did nothing. People refused to see what was going on, and I was the one that had to suffer the consequences, Just as Tilikum is.
He has a family, that is still out there, and if they heard him even this many years later they would recognize him and welcome him. Me I don't have a family anymore, and maybe that is why its so important to me that he find his. After the life that he has had he deserves peace and waves. He deserves to be back home. A family is like I said that feelings of belonging and unconditional love that only they can give. For me I am pretty sure its lost, but I can hope that someday he finds his.
We are different, Tilikum and I. We long for things that we can't have. I will never stop fighting for him to get to be free and swim with his family, And for me I will never stop fighting to make sure that people don't have to experience life the way that I have. I have always said I wish just for one day you could see and experience the world the way that I do, I think it would change the way that you do everything in life. When freedom is taken away you have to learn to see things different to survive. So we survive and we pay the price. I hope that in my lifetime, I see him back in the ocean where he is supposed to be. And I hope in my lifetime, I can learn to live again. Here's to never giving up, and always fighting for what is right, what is true and what is just. Even when our hearts are falling to pieces.
I heart your heart.
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