Pain Scales

You know I truly hate those scales because for someone like me we just can't use them.  Because for some a ten might be a toothache, to others a ten might be close to death.  Because My one may be someone else's off the chart. My ten maybe someones 6 feet under.  So yes I hate those scales because people take my 5, as well that's not bad when literally I have little breath left.  I think its all a matter of perspective.  All I know is my own pain scale and I don't even say a word until I am literally jumping off the scale.  And that is not a great place to be because people don't often understand the urgency of the problem.  If it hurts enough for me to talk about I need you to listen,  if i tell you to stop its because its off the charts and I really don't know how to get others to understand that.

When you grow up and things hurt, and you are in pain and no one notices, and no one listens you learn to deal with them.  You never say a word, you don't tell people, you just keep going.  So for me to say something actually say something, I need you to listen. I need you to hear and I need you to respect.  When I pull away, I am not being a baby, its not like a little oh that hurts; its painful and I need you to stop.  I only say a word when its something more than serious, when I need help when I can no longer do things on my own or deal with what is going on.  This is more than hard to explain to people really because people just don't understand.  I do not have a clue how to fix this how to make it better.

I know that I have always feared being one that complains all the time, being that one that something is always physically wrong.  I grew up in a house like that.  There were things wrong with my parents all the time.  I mean every second of every day and things were exaggerated and there were always more and more dr appointments.  I went exactly the opposite saying nothing was hurting and just ignore ignore ignore.

I know that there has got to be some kind of happy medium, being able to say when something hurts and that be ok it doesn't mean that you want attention or that you want people all around you making you feel better, that is not it.  If I tell you something hurts whether physically or emotionally that is really big.  And more often than not in my life my things that hurt have not been taken seriously or others have thought I am over-reacting when really the problem is that that the load has gotten to heavy to carry and I need help.  I need support I need someone to be there and lend an ear.  I need someone to hear and see where I am coming from with no excuses for any other thing or person.  My feelings my pain are there its real and there is no excuse or action in the world , no words that, no sticking up for other people that will make it go away.  It's there its real its my own and the pain that I feel the things that have been done and said hurt,  there is never any excuse or lack of understanding or looking the other way that will help a crushed heart.  Never.  Just understand where I am and see the pain acknowledge it,  see me.  That is all.