Naming it

Yes I am sure that this is the worst part  , the part where the things that you are going through are no longer recognized.  Many do not understand that yes it may have happened many years ago, but there are parts, there are many parts that hang on that stick around that affect every single part of who we are.  People think its a light switch a choice and there is a choice to fight to heal but the effects those are not choices that we survivors make.  I think that is the part that I struggle with almost constantly.  The being ignored.   The being looked over.  The people pretending that the things you are going through are not important, I can not even begin to tell you how much that hurts and that is a piece that I struggle with over and over every day every year every second.  The pain that is in my heart not being acknowledged.  No one asks hows your heart; are you ok.? A simple question how i your heart, Are you ok ?  That makes me more than sad.  I know that I have come a really long way.  I have worked more than hard to get to where I am.  I have fought my way out of a deep dark hole.  People have said the meanest cruelest things and I have kept fighting.  I share, I put my heart out there to make a difference.  I want people to see that they can make a difference that they can notice, they can speak up that can make the difference for people.  And there is no acknowledgment, nothing for me.  And there comes a time when you just have to name it.  I did that , today I named it and I shared anyway.

Today Bill Cosby was found guilty,  and I can not tell you how that made me feel to know that someone got justice, that things that were done were noticed, validated and something was done about it.  THOSE are the things that matter.  So I shared a post and named it, just as I see it.

<3 I will keep sharing. There will be no acknowledgement, that has to be ok and I will keep sharing. 

THIS. This is IMPORTANT 

Yea, I know this stuff is heavy, but the #METOO movement is heavy

and maybe when survivors don't have to carry the weight on their own,

 things can truly change, things will truly change. 

SO I am going to keep naming it.  And one day, one day all that I have 

been through, all that has happened is going to mean something.

And one day, someone will hear me and and I will be seen I will be recognized 

yes, even all this time later. 

Even for the 100th time

even when things seem great

Someone will see, and they will ask about my heart. 

SO, I am not going to share and think maybe someone will see, maybe someone will notice. 

I am going to name it, I will keep sharing in the hope of reaching others 

 someday, someway, somehow 

I will feel less like just my story and more like me. 

More than my story,More than a crime, 

I remember being told once from the court system

I was just a witness. 

I was crushed,  I was so much more than that.  

It has taken so long, and I have a long way to go, 

today I know that I am not fighting alone.  There are so many others and whether others 

name it or not.

That doesn't mean it isn't there and it isn't important.

Just being on the other side I have a unique view,  and I will always speak, always share

and I promise to keep fighting trying to make a difference

if people listen or not.  It has a name 

We have a name and we all have a responsibility. 

And this quote these amazing words that I found. This. 

“You tied me up, and tortured me. Not just physically, but metaphorically. You raped me, over and over again. To you, it was nothing more than a sick, and twisted game. But you destroyed my mind, and shattered my soul. I will never, be the same.”
-Little girl speak

  I heart your heart    

I <3