Today I wrote it down

Yesterday

Yesterday

Yesterday morning. I wrote his name down

I felt like the cat that ate the canary

My heart is beating a mile a minute

it seemed no mater what I did there were reminders EVERYWHERE

of him of what he did

songs on the radio, pictures on my computer,  everywhere everywhere.

I have shared parts of the story

the one part where he  killed my tadpoles, stepped on them with his big black boots

 told me that next time I wouldn't fight

Really, seems to me you were the adult male I was the little 5 year old girl

Me, I was angry at myself I couldn't pick them up fast enough

The time Ronald walked by as I lay raped on the bean bag

I saw him though the dirty sliding glass door, I wasn't even there anymore

That van, that red van that is burnt in my soul like a brand

I have said his name, Albert  I have written in my journals ...

Today I write his name down

I write it down to see if there are others

I write it down so people can know they are not alone

I write it down because it matters

because what he did was not ok

because I should have been protected.

Because it still tears at my heart some days

Because I found him on face book

He has children.....even little girls that are not so little anymore

Because I don't remember his face , but I still see his hands

I can still feel him, my heart is still heavy

So I write his name down

I wonder if there are others ? Are you out there ?

So I write his name down for me for others for my heart

I was just a little girl there is nothing that anyone can do

to know that I am not alone that I was not the only one,

those are the things that are going to make a difference

me2csa.com   THANK YOU

I heart your heart .