I am learning the things that I want and I want someone to understand I want someone there. I want to be worthy of my space and worthy too stand tall I don't at all want to be alone anymore, and yet I am not sure how to let people in. I want people there to hold my head to hold my heart to give me a blanket and tell me that they are there. I more than want someone to hold space for me as I grieve as I process as I try to let go and become more of the person that I want to be. As I become to like the person that I am, the struggles that I have had and how I am overcoming them. I want someone to notice me and to remember those hard days and just let me know that they are there. I want to be included and remembered and valued . I want my story to be acknowledged , I want people to ask questions and not be afraid. The more that its out there there less that I have to hold on too, and the better I will feel. The lighter that my heart can become because I won't be doing it on my own anymore. I say that I want all that has happened to me to mean something and I don't yet know what that is, its not a reason that I am looking for its an understanding really so I can make sure others don't have to live a life like I have. I want to be heard and I want to feel brave and proud and strong even on those days when the dark is all that I see. I want the sad days to be ok, and the happy days to be even better. I am a mix of so much, even good things that I can be proud of and I want those things to be out there for people to see. I want to be loved where I am and I want to be respected for where I am and where i have come from. All of these things that I desperately want seem so much to ask yet I don't think I ask for much at all; maybe the things I need are to much for anyone. I don't think that I ask for much but I don't understand why no one stays. YES, that more than anything I want people to stay. I want people to laugh with and cry with and wonder with. I want someone that will wrap me in their arms making sure my heart is cared for so I don't feel so all alone in this world. I need people to hear my story and also be able to look past that and see who I am in spite of all those horrific terrible things that have happened. I want a tribe a group of people that I can care for in the same way. I want someone, not just someone but people who can handle my dark and my light and love me through and through. I feel like the more that I keep writing my list of the things that I want is growing. I just so much want to be understood and for the things that are important to me to be acknowledged too. My story needs to be acknowledged and the things that have happened to my very being, to my spirit must not be overlooked. The fight , the resolve that I have to make things better for others, I want that to be seen and A wise man once said that I have grit. Yes, I like that word. I want that for myself too.
No comments:
Post a Comment