I heard someone say this and my heart sank. This fits me. I am not a viable wife, no I am not. I feel too broken I feel too needy I feel like the things that have happened have made me something other than wife materiel. I feel like I will never be loved and never know what its like for someone to care for my heart in my own home. To wake up from the nightmares and someone to hold me tight until it all feels ok again. For someone to gently touch my face because they see strength and beauty. For someone to hold my hand and give a little extra squeeze to know that they are there by my side. To have someone to sit with and watch my favorite show to have someone who will pass the tissue and it make no difference in how he loves. To have someone say I love you because of my love for whales or look at my heart and think I never want to be anywhere else. To come home to dinner made and lovely candles on. To take the kids out for presents because of the special person that you are. To say he loves you across the hall just because he can. Someone who holds me a little tighter on those anniversaries that tear my heart. To want to keep me safe and sound and show me with their words and actions. When the memories come and I can't see anything else, but its not seen a problem , he just sits in my space and lets me know I am not so alone and he is here now.
I want all those things and yet I am not a viable wife. I am not sure that those things exist I am not sure, I can be loved I am not sure that I am worth all the things that I long for. Sometimes I worry about what will happen when I get old. My children will have their own lives and there will just be me. I wish there was a way to stop the longing the ache the pain of things that I feel that are just not made for me.
I heart your heart.
I heard someone say this and my heart sank. This fits me. I am not a viable wife, no I am not. I feel too broken I feel too needy I feel like the things that have happened have made me something other than wife materiel. I feel like I will never be loved and never know what its like for someone to care for my heart in my own home. To wake up from the nightmares and someone to hold me tight until it all feels ok again. For someone to gently touch my face because they see strength and beauty. For someone to hold my hand and give a little extra squeeze to know that they are there by my side. To have someone to sit with and watch my favorite show to have someone who will pass the tissue and it make no difference in how he loves. To have someone say I love you because of my love for whales or look at my heart and think I never want to be anywhere else. To come home to dinner made and lovely candles on. To take the kids out for presents because of the special person that you are. To say he loves you across the hall just because he can. Someone who holds me a little tighter on those anniversaries that tear my heart. To want to keep me safe and sound and show me with their words and actions. When the memories come and I can't see anything else, but its not seen a problem , he just sits in my space and lets me know I am not so alone and he is here now.
I want all those things and yet I am not a viable wife. I am not sure that those things exist I am not sure, I can be loved I am not sure that I am worth all the things that I long for. Sometimes I worry about what will happen when I get old. My children will have their own lives and there will just be me. I wish there was a way to stop the longing the ache the pain of things that I feel that are just not made for me. 
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