Enlightened witness

 

I think this is what every one wants really. When we share our stories of horror of shame of the most unbelievable crime that can be committed, we want someone to sit beside us. We want some one to pass us the Kleenex listen to our heart and offer some tea. There is nothing a person can do to heal this oh so hurt heart. All that I ask is that you are a witness. That you hear me see me and do things different. I ask that you give me time, I ask that you understand the depth of the pain is something that takes a very long time to heal.  There will be days when I can laugh, I can smile and all is well with the world.  Then there will be days when the darkness is overwhelming when the nightmares come to stay for a bit and there is little sleep to be had.  This is something that happens and nothing that can be made to go away.  It's all a part of the healing.  Sometimes I want to talk sometimes I just want to sit, watch a movie to help me cry, because the emotions are too much and I have shut all feeling off for a time. I know I am complicated and needy.  I need you to stay, just to be.  I need you to check on me and make sure that I am ok.  I need you to be gentle with my heart, because there are times its more fragile than you could ever imagine. I am not a flower that will shatter but your actions make more of a difference than you know. I just want to know that you care whether I am happy and all is well or if I am sad and want to run away.  I need you to remember that every day I am fighting and some days I just might need a little more effort.  I so understand that each and every one of you has your own lives.  But I can also tell you a quick hello takes a mere seconds and literally means the world.  If I let you know any of this, or share pieces of my heart you are important and I think a lot of you.  So whatever you do walk away now if you can't handle this heart of mine, because you can not meaning to or not YOU can not add any more heartache to this  tender heart of mine. Just be there laugh with me cry with me celebrate with me and know that good things will happen. I need to be enough exactly where I am on any given day.  I will move the moon for you, all I ask is that you value and respect where it is that I am.  I am not asking you to move the moon just be a witness for me and be patient. 

I heart your heart