Super Bowl Sunday

 

The super bowl has never been my favorite. I am not a huge fan of football. I don't really understand the game and comment more if they are cute how old they are and if they have a family. You know the important things. Superbowl has been a day, where I have been made to feel small and insignificant. My feelings have never been seen or validated, but pointed out and laughed at. 

There was the time I was invited a Superbowl

party. It was a time I had nothing, and used my last 20 dollars to bring cupcakes. I didn't know a lot of the people, and was generally uncomfortable. Most of the people were church staff and friends, So yea I was out of place.  I didn't eat or drink anything. I was just an observer, then the host comes up to me and asks for money for the pizza. My heart sank, he knew I had nothing . I am pretty sure I went to my purse and got my gas money for the week. Always behind and out of place.  I never did eat any of that pizza, Nothing like adding to your already uncomfortable. I am pretty sure we left not long after that. 

Done with super bowl parties for a few years.  Then we were on our own living with someone in Plano. She gets in my face laughs, and says I probably want to make plans , for tomorrow she is having a super bowl party and knows how I feel about people I don't know and laughs in my face. I had nothing. I was hurt, no one likes being laughed at. I went to my room and called a friend asking if I could be there. She was already going to a party but I was invited and included. Once again, mostly church staff. It was ok. At least I felt welcomed. I remember the host was pregnant and I brought her flowers. 

So today all these years later, these two days stand out and still sting. I think I am much better off just doing things on my own. Maybe someday I will have my very own Superbowl party. And I will invite who I want, will include everyone  and not expect a single thing. Just gather and enjoy. Someday someday !!

I heart your heart.