Oh 13 year old. 13 year old you is oh so exhausted. You have been through a life that I am not sure anyone can understand. The things that you have seen heard and been exposed to are the things of nightmares. You are so far back in the dark room where only shadows lurk. No windows, no exposure, its like a black hole. The level of terror of shame is unimaginable. That place you are in feels like the great nothing. You stay there in the dark holding on to what has happened, because if you hold on and stay in the dark then not another terrible thing can happen to you. You have a terror of the light that you fear anyone coming close. You keep yourself there thinking this is a hell of a lot safer than any light that you have ever known. I would like to think that somewhere there is a hope; somewhere because if there wasn't I am sure that you would no longer be alive. As dark as your life has been there is an ever so tiny spark of hope, thinking that some day things are going to be different. Someday, you won't be so afraid. Someday, you can see past all the things that have been done to you. I have so many wishes and dreams for you. I want you to feel what its like not having to do everything on your own. I want you to know and truly believe that you are one amazing ,strong and brave girl. I want you to be able to stand tall in your truth and know that you survived. Because some people don't survive, and I am not sure that you understand that. Lesser things have killed people. I know where you are is a sad kind of sad that doesn't even have words. I know that there are a lot of things that you don't have words for, and I know that you keep your eyes closed for fear of the things you might see. I know that you hide behind a wall of the things done to you. And I am working really hard to see past that wall and to reach out and let you know that its ok to open your eyes, its ok to come out into the light. I can see you there in that dark place so terrified, and I am working on being able to reach through what was done to you. Those evil men the things that they took, the precious life that was lost, how they made you believe you were less than. Soon I promise I will reach out and you need to reach back, we can do this together. I know you are more than afraid, I know that you might not even believe me, I can't do this without you, and I don't want to. I want for you to experience things that are good and kind in this life. You have been alone in the dark with your eyes closed for entirely too long. Even if you don't have words its ok to just come out of the dark and know that there are safe people, and I would never let anyone hurt you. You don't even have to open your eyes until you are more comfortable, just reach out and we can do this together.
I heart your heart sweet girl and I am so very sorry. So Sorry.
I heart your heart.
No comments:
Post a Comment